Keresberos

Awakening

2012-03-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

I think it’s a little strange how you don’t always realizewhen someone is bad for you, at least until that person is gone from your lifeand suddenly you start to feel better. Yes, I still need to get this divorce done with – I need to have an identitythat is separate from the one I have assumed for the last 16 years – but injust a few months without him I’ve begun to feel incredibly different. For one, I’ve lost two pants sizes and they just fell right off! I have more energy, I feel good about myself,and I’m actually getting up in the morning (like I’ve been telling him foryears). I’m also starting school andthat feels really good as well.

I feel like I’ve dropped a ton of baggage (not the kids,just the asshole) and am finally free of everything that was holding me backand holding me down. It’s a bit likepeople describe when a person wakes up from a cult. You don’t really even realize how things areand how reality differs from what you see until long after it’s over. I have to admit it’s a little creepy torealize what I’ve experienced is so similar in many ways to a cultmentality. I never really realized justhow much manipulation there was and to what extent I allowed him to dictate myperceptions.

The thing is I could have done this years ago. In all honesty, I should have. The gods knowthere were enough clues, I just didn’t realize it (or put them together) untilI looked back. Right now I’m so tired oflooking back, of second-guessing myself and everything I’ve done (or notdone). I’m tired of the haze of angerand loss. I just want to move on, moveforward, and leave all of the crap behind (along with his name).

Along with my awakening, I am starting to get in touch withsome of the people who matter to me – my dad, my grandmother, my sister. I no longer feel so isolated and that feelsreally good to me. I think the singlebiggest mistake in my life was probably allowing myself to become to isolatedin the first place. But we can’t changethe past and it’s the future I intend to look to now. I think if I take anything from this I willbe more cautious from now on. I don’tever want to look back again and see all of the little ways in which I wasunwittingly manipulated or how a person insinuated themselves into my lifeuntil I could no longer see myself in it. Being with someone and sharing one’s life with them is one thing, butthere’s got to be a ME apart from WE.

Oddities

2012-01-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve begun to notice a few oddities, leftover things(I guess) from my years with my ex. In away it’s actually kind of funny how you don’t always realize exactly how thehabits and behaviors of other people affect us until they’re pointed out. I suppose you could say it’s like the wayowners always seem to look like their dogs. Perhaps we simply choose dogs that are like us, but more likely it isthat we also tend to grow more like them over time. We also, unfortunately, seem to pick up onthe habits and behaviors of those around us, particularly those we are closestto.

I don’t personally tend to speak too literally, but I’venoticed that I tend to take things other people say that way. It’s weird because it’s almost like I have tolearn to listen to what people are saying (and not saying) all over again. I’ve also noticed that while my neck is stillsensitive (I guess it would be more correct to say that I am hyperaware of it),I am not as bothered as I once was about people touching it. As a matter of fact, I’ve even gotten towhere I like to have it touched… atleast by some people. LOL

Honestly, it’s getting to be like there are so many clues mymind and body were giving me and I just didn’t understand, or at least didn’tput them together in the right way. Seeing those things now, in reflection, it all seems so obvious. I guess you could say I got used to my ex,but there was always a vague discomfort there. On the surface he appeared to be open and sincere but there wassomething about him that always struck me as secretive and I would often wonderwhat he was thinking. I think it finallygot to where he was fairly predictable but was never able to fully trust him. (And to think, I thought the problem was me.)

Now to be fair, I’d say the first few years together wereprobably about as ordinary as any couple. We had our ups and downs, our hard times, but things between us honestlyseemed pretty normal while the kids were still babies. Maybe that discomfort was always there. I honestly don’t know because I mainlyremember only the frustrations of the last ten years or so.

Getting back to the thing with my neck, though, I do know thatit took damned near all of my self-control just to allow my ex to touch my neckat all, and I certainly didn’t like to have it nibbled on. Some of the people I know now, in comparison,can freely touch, nibble, and even grab my neck and I am not bothered byit. It’s also one of those things thatsometimes crops up in my fantasies. I’mstill hyperaware of my neck – that hasn’t changed – but it does seem that myawareness and trust of the person affects how I react to them physically.

Maybe I did blame myself a bit too much for what was goingon. I thought I had trust issues. I didn’t. I thought I had some weird quirk with the front of my neck. I don’t. I thought things were fine simply because I couldn’t seem to put myfinger on what was wrong, that it was merely my own warped perceptions thatwere causing the problems. They weren’t,on both accounts.

Thankfully I’m older now, and perhaps a little wiser, but thereis a pretty fine line between needing proof of something and getting the hellsout of dodge while the getting’s still good. Hopefully I’ve learned enough that I won’t be fooled a second time (andI won’t be so trigger-happy that I’ll destroy something good before it even begins). That’s life, I guess.

Open, yet Reserved

2012-01-02T16:44:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I have cometo the conclusion that I am perhaps a little too open, but I am also reservedin my own way. When asked to answer aquestion or volunteer information, I am entirely too inclined to simply saywhatever I’m thinking. I don’t try tohide anything and I almost never deliberately allow a person to misunderstandwhat I’m saying. It never even occurs tome to lie about anything, even when it hurts me.

But that is only when I am actually asked something. When I am notasked for my thoughts and/or opinions, I am entirely too inclined to keep themto myself. Therefore most people willnever really know what I think of them (unless they ask). In that way I am probably very reserved. I’m not interested in seeking validation, oreven acknowledgement, so there is no need to force my thoughts/opinions onothers.

I think what I need to do is moderate both tendencies alittle bit. Perhaps there are occasionswhen it would be best to answer only what is asked and offer no more thanthat. There are also times when Iprobably shouldn’t answer a question at all. After all it is one thing to be thought a fool and quite another to openone’s mouth and prove it, as the old saying goes. Then again, there are times where I reallyneed to learn to open my damned mouth and tell people what I think regardlessof whether they want to hear it or not.

The Single Life

2012-01-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Being single really sucks. I’ve pretty much had someone continuously for the last twenty years,even if it wasn’t always perfect or what I wanted it to be, and after just afew months I’m finding that it really sucks to be alone all of the time. It’s not just the sex either (because I surehaven’t gotten much of that in the last decade or so, whether I was single ornot). It’s the sheer lack ofcompanionship and connection that gets to me.

My kids are certainly fun and interesting, but I can’trelate to them in the same way I would a partner even if they were around allof the time like they used to be. To behonest I need more than just an idle conversation and amusement. I need someone I can snuggle up with, a warmbody in bed next to me. I also need thecloseness and trust that makes any relationship work. Yes, love matters… but I also believe thatlove is a choice as much as a feeling. Ican choose to love someone whether I’m “in love” with them or not.

I have to say, though, that sex is a huge factor here and isprobably one of the main reasons for seeking another relationship. As someone I know once put it, I want “sex ondemand”. Four or five times a week (atleast) would certainly be nice, especially if it was someone I actually liked and wanted to have sex with. But to get something even close to that aperson would have to be around, certainly more than a casual partner or friendusually is.

So when it comes down to it I guess I would have to say Iwant it all. I honestly don’t care allthat much if it’s with one person or three. I want someone I can talk to and connect with on more than just asurface level. I want someone I cantouch and enjoy being touched by, not just sex but sex I can enjoy, even crave,and be satisfied by. I want someone whois rough and demanding yet also understanding and reasonable, someone I canfight with yet never have to fear. Iwant someone who I can look at and feel warmth and affection, whose arms I wantto have around me and who is going to be there long after the kids are gone. Most of all I want someone whose presence isgoing to add to my life, not whose“love” is going to cost me everything.

I think by now I understand what it takes to establish andmaintain a successful long-term relationship. My last one may have ultimately failed, but it did teach me thenecessity of trust, honesty, respect, patience and compromise. Those are the key pieces that make anyrelationship work and you really can’t sacrifice any one of them. If anything, I think the lesson I still needto learn is when to yield and when to stand my ground. Then again, that is one line that differs forevery person and every situation, so maybe it’s a lesson we have tocontinuously learn.

Yeah, being single really sucks, but I’m not about to jumpinto a relationship that isn’t right for me either. This is a darkness I had to embrace, but onlybecause I was too stubborn to realize when things needed to change and Isincerely hope I never have to have such a hard shove in the right directionagain. One day it’ll happen for me againand next time I’ll make sure I get it right. (Just don’t make me wait too long. Please??)

Hiatus

2011-12-10T14:55:00.001-07:00

After a nearly three month hiatus (not by choice) I’m havinga really hard time getting back into writing, especially when it comes to thebook I’ve been writing. Book one of thetrilogy is almost done, actually, and the last few chapters are sittingpatiently in my mind but I seem to be having a hard time getting themdown. Perhaps it is everything elsethat’s going on and the stress of dealing with things. Hells, I don’t know.

I think that’s going to be one of my goals for next year –to finally finish this trilogy. Afterall it shouldn’t take a whole year to write a book I could just as easily havewritten in two months. (One of theprevious versions of this one was written in about that amount of time.) Considering the amount of time I spend aloneand bored, I really ought to have this done already. I just can’t seem to focus past everythingelse that’s going on.

On a happier note, I'm on a roll once again and I'm nearly finished. With any luck I'll be done and ready to start the first round of editing by the end of the weekend. YAY!! Then I can let my impatient son read it. LOL

DIY Divorce

2011-11-29T14:31:00.001-07:00

After all of these years it still sometimes surprises mewhat you can find on the internet. Getting a divorce, at least in South Dakota, is a whole lot simpler thanI’d ever thought. I used to think youhad to pay buckets of money to a lawyer to get all of this done but the truthis all you need to do is file a few papers (as long as your spouse iscooperative) and that’s it. Sure, thelegal language can be a little intimidating, but it’s also flexible (asevidenced by the various versions of the sample paperwork I’ve been able tofind). So it certainly seems that aslong as you’re not doing anything too terribly complicated (and can followinstructions), divorce doesn’t have to be a huge pain in the ass. Hells, if I’d realized it was going to bethis easy I would have done it years ago.

I guess it’s nice to realize that an amicable end to arelationship can be had so easily. Naturally, there is the inconvenience of legal paperwork, filing feesand such, but then spending sixteen years with someone is bound to produce somekind of complication whether you’re married or not. The fact is I’m ready to move on with my lifeand have this (marriage) over and done with.

The strange thing is, I suppose, that I can hardly imaginebeing in love after all of this time. Iwonder sometimes if being with him has deadened that part of me or if I’ve justforgotten what real love and passion feels like. We got married out of convenience and I didlove him, to a point, but there was never the all-consuming passion I wouldhave wished for. I settled… I settled for good enough instead of aimingfor what I really wanted (and deserved) and realized too late that good enoughwas just a lie.

You could say I learned my lesson in trying to force myselfto be happy. It just doesn’t work. I could have moved on and put an end to iteleven years ago when I stopped trying to wear a wedding ring, or nine yearsago when we stopped our BDSM experiment or any of the dozens of times I’vethought about it since. Instead I let therelationship go on and on, even when I wasn’t happy in it, and people got hurtbecause of it. Yes, he had me fooled butI also have to take responsibility for the fact that I stayed and continuedwith the farce long after our relationship was well and truly over. I have to accept the fact that I let myselfbe limited by loneliness and, quite possibly, fear.

This, then, must be the lesson Erebos wanted to impart whenhe said I should embrace this darkness. I believe that we make our own limitations and that it is necessary tounderstand them – both why they exist and why we accept them – but it’s notalways easy to see all of the limitations we have. I wanted to be happy and so I pretended Iwas, until I fooled even myself. Thisyear, I think, when I light the candles to bring in the New Year, I’m going tosink into the Abyss and ask for what I want – and this time I’m not going tosettle. I know that I make my ownhappiness, but I don’t have to do it alone.

One Nation, Under God

2011-07-27T17:54:00.002-06:00

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

This has been the pledge of allegiance for as long as I can remember (but was, in fact, changed to include the phrase “under God” in 1954). Mostly likely due to the widespread nature of Christianity, this “God” is presumed (by most) to be the god of the Christian Bible. However there does seem to be another god under which the United States of America was founded; the goddess of liberty.

Named for this land’s discoverer, no matter what his actions/motives might have been, Columbia has many names and guises. At one time she was known as Libertas, the Roman goddess of freedom. Called “Britannia” in the U.K. and “Marianne” in France, she is the embodiment of liberty and freedom. [Goddess of Freedom: from Libertas to Lady Liberty by Selena Fox] Most notably, perhaps, is the statue of liberty standing watch over the New York Harbor, one of the first things many people see when entering this country. Even our nation’s capital is named after her.

To some Lady Liberty is a literal goddess while to others she is merely the embodiment of an idea. In any case, I hardly find it offensive to think that this is the god (goddess) under which this nation is founded. I like that you can look around and find images and representations of her from one coast to the other and I find it appropriate that she is a warrior, as the fight for freedom is never ending. [Columbia, Patron Goddess of the United States]

I’m sure the Christians out there are going to continue to think that their god encompasses all, and they’re certainly welcome to their opinions. Personally, though, I kind of like that our patron goddess, Columbia, has been hiding in plain sight all this time. [Columbia: Goddess of America] We’ve been taught to honor and revere the spirit of freedom despite our other allegiances, ideals or religious affiliations. Whether living goddess or idea, freedom is something I think we should all strive for.

The Statue of Liberty, Liberty Island, New York

The statue of Alma Mater on the campus of Columbia University in New York.

A plaster statue of Liberty and the Eagle even stands above and behind the speaker's chair in the House of Representatives.

The Statue of Freedom (also known as Armed Freedom or simply Freedom) is a bronze statue designed by Thomas Crawford that, since 1863, has crowned the dome of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C.

Columbia at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific.

Personified Columbia, from a World War I patriotic poster

Personification of Columbia, from a Columbia Records phonograph cylinder package

In this painting (circa 1872) by John Gast, called American Progress, Columbia, in the implementation of Manifest Destiny, leads civilization westward with American settlers.

The Columbia Motion Pictures logo

Going to Extremes

2011-07-15T23:32:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I was reading an article on the 5 things you actually need to take care of a baby. While I don’t necessarily agree with everything on that list, I do understand the point the author was trying to make. But when it came to the responses following the articles, OMGz I could hardly believe the judgmental attitudes of many of the responders. I mean if you actually believe what many of these jackasses were saying, you’re not a good parent unless you spend baby’s first year with the kid attached to your breast 24/7 (in a sling), use cloth diapers and co-sleep.

Almost none of these advocates could understand personal choice, lifestyle or any of the other factors that weigh into a person’s choice in how to care for their own baby. There was a huge debate on the subject of co-sleeping alone. Some said the practice was dangerous while others justified their choice by saying that co-sleeping was the “norm” in Europe. Of course that only reminded me of something my parents used to say. “If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you too?”

Personally, I don’t think feeding your child from a bottle (for whatever reason) makes you any less of a parent than one who breast feeds. Whether you use disposable or cloth diapers is a matter of personal preference as is the use of a stroller vs. a sling or other style of baby carrier. I do think babies need their own bed and their own space. I believe that co-sleeping is very dangerous, no matter how many people do it. If you want your baby close, then put him/her into a bassinette beside the bed. I think children get all the nurturing they need if you are simply willing to play, cuddle, and hold them close while feeding. There is nothing wrong with putting the damned kid down during the hour or so while the kid sleeps. I think if you give your children the attention they need and deserve, by whatever means, they’ll be just fine.

On the basis of some of the blanket judgments some of the people were making, it puts me in mind of recalling children I’ve seen still running around at 3 and 4 years old dragging a blanket and bottle after them or sucking on a pacifier. I remember hearing a story once of a mother who supposedly breastfed her child until he was 6 years old. Honestly, that is un-fucking-believable. The kid was old enough to come home from school and lift up his mother’s shirt to get what he wanted no matter what she was doing. I’ve heard of more than one parent who was aggravated because their 5 year old was unable to sleep by him/herself (yes, I’ve heard that one personally).

I do think, on the whole, parents need to pay more attention to their children but I also think that too much attention can inhibit growth just as easily as not enough – but I’m not one to tell any parent where that line is. That’s just something we all have to figure out for ourselves. I think that one kind of parent is entirely too anal (and likely to cause both themselves and their children an awful lot of stress) and the other neglectful and neither is very good. As some have said, you can read all the books/articles and talk to other parents but in the end you only need to follow your own instincts.

What do you need to raise a child? The same things everyone else needs: food, clothing, shelter, a means of keeping clean, and a car seat (if your child is going to ride in a car). Everything else is debatable.

The Problem with ‘We’

2011-07-08T17:26:00.001-06:00

When it comes to the couples dynamic I find it odd that some people insist on referring only to themselves (the couple) as “we”. It’s like any sense of individuality or Self is lost the moment one becomes part of a couple. For a long time I thought of myself only as a part of ‘we’ or ‘us’, but then I woke up one day and realized I had no identity apart from that. Maybe that’s why so many people go nuts when their spouse dies or they get divorced. Suddenly the “we” is lost and there is no “I” to replace it.

I’ve always believed that a relationship was supposed to enhance one’s life, not take something away from it, and I find this kind of “couple identity” both impractical and self-destructive. Just the fact that, for many people, there is an expectation of couple identity is a huge part (I think) of why so many relationships fail. Too many people out there are relying on someone else to make them happy or feel fulfilled or whatever the goal is so they latch onto whomever they feel can deliver the desired result. Inevitably people fail to live up to those kinds of expectations so we’re left with a whole mess of failed relationships simply because somebody didn’t take the time to make themselves happy before trying to live side-by-side with another person.

I find there is nothing whatsoever wrong with having “him” and “me” as well as “he and I together”, thereby reducing the “we” to a mere reference to more than one person. The two of us certainly stand together when needed. We do not view ourselves as a singular unit and that is what I think makes all the difference. My name is Ryver, not Ryver-Rogue. I am an individual with individual tastes and desires, not merely a part of someone else.

Uncle Sam’s Big Nose

2011-06-05T18:26:00.002-06:00

Personal relationships is one area where Uncle Sam’s abnormally sized nose simply DOES NOT belong. I don’t care who you are or what so-called “authority” you’re using to strong-arm me, I’m not going to let anybody tell me who I can and can’t have a relationship with. No one can dictate who I’m going to love, who I can live with, or which adults I can sleep with. That is entirely between me and my partner(s). Honestly I’d much rather prefer a whole scale ban on government endorsement of personal relationships altogether.

Marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships are all types of contracts designed to create families. The thing is why are we allowing the government to decide what is/is not a “family” at all? And what makes one type of family “better” than another? I know some single people who are far better parents than some married persons I know and there are plenty of people out there who are in happier, healthier relationships because they’re allowed to have their Kate (cake) and Edith (eat it) too. Never mind the fact that a gay couple has just as good of a chance of staying together and building a successful relationship as any other couple.

Now I suppose a church has the right to decide what is/is not considered proper behavior/actions within its own faith, but even within the church, what right does a Christian sect have to tell me (a non-Christian) what I can and cannot do? I am not one of its members nor do I recognize any authority it may claim over me. I say let people believe what is right for themselves and let that be the end of it. The only part the government needs to play is the establishment of consent and keep its nose out of people’s personal relationships otherwise.

My life is not up for legislation.

♪ Day 50 - your favorite instrumental tune

2011-05-31T10:53:00.000-06:00

Whew! The last prompt, finally! Actually it’s been an interesting ride. Over the last 80 days of prompts (if you add both challenges together) I’ve had a lot to think about and reflect on. I’m amazed how things have changed over the years and even how some things haven’t. The various prompts have brought up a lot of memories and some just plain fun as I tried to figure out how to answer each one. I even learned a few things about some of my favorite (and not so favorite) songs along the way. So to finish things off, here is “Saltarello” by Corvus Corax.

This song is entirely instrumental, so no lyrics.

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 49 – a song introduced to you by someone else

2011-05-30T11:44:00.000-06:00

I don’t think Cradle of Filth is one of those bands I would have paid much attention if it hadn’t been for all those months of listening to “Temptation” coming from my daughter’s room. I’ve come to appreciate several of their songs but even now I only rarely get in the mood to listen. I guess they’re just one of those things I have to be in a certain mood for.

I've never been closer
I've tried to understand
That certain feeling
Carved by another's hand
But it's too late to hesitate
We can't keep on living like this
Leave no track
Don't look back

All I desire
Temptation
Keep climbing higher and higher
Temptation
Adorable creatures
Temptation
With unacceptable features
Temptation
Trouble is coming
Temptation
It's just the high cost of loving
Temptation
You can take it or leave it
Temptation
But you'd better believe it

You've got to make me an offer
That cannot be ignored
So let's head for home now
Everything I have is yours
Step by step and day by day
Every second counts I can't break away
Leave no trace
Hide your face

All I desire
Temptation
Keep climbing higher and higher
Temptation
You can take it or leave it
Temptation
But you'd better believe it

Step by step
Day by day
Every second counts
I can't break away

Keep us from temptation [x3]
Lead us not in temptation

All I desire
Temptation
Keep climbing higher and higher
Temptation
And you can take it or leave it
Temptation
But you'd better believe it

Step by step and day by day
Every second counts I can't break away

Keep us from Temptation [x3]
Lead us not in Temptation

Trying to find it
Temptation
You've got to get up behind it
Temptation
Put your dime in the hot slot
Temptation
But it's a million to one shot
Temptation
You think that you're right
Temptation
Your gonna face it tonight now
Temptation
Give me a breakdown
Temptation
Because it's time for a shakedown
Temptation [x16]

[Lyrics from http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/cradle-of-filth/temptation-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 48 – your favorite song from a movie

2011-05-29T18:06:00.000-06:00

When it comes to movie themes, my favorite has got to be “Cry Little Sister” by G Tom Mac (a.k.a. Gerard McMann) from The Lost Boys. The vampires depicted in the movie were a little on the corny side and it was disappointing that The Tribe used almost the same storyline as the original, but to me the Frog brothers make all three movies worth watching. Sure, the movie is a little cheesy and the Frog brothers are just nuts, but I would still consider these movies an essential part of my movie collection.

A last fire will rise behind those eyes
Black house will rock, blind boys don't lie
Immortal fear, that voice so clear
Through broken walls, that scream I hear

Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

Blue masquerade, strangers look on
When will they learn this loneliness?
Temptation heat beats like a drum
Deep in your veins, I will not lie

Little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

My Shangri-Las
I can't forget
Why you were mine
I need you now

Cry, little sister - Thou shall not fall
Come to your brother - Thou shall not die
Unchain me, sister - Thou shall not fear
Love is with your brother - Thou shall not kill

[Lyrics from http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thelostboys/crylittlesister.htm]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 47 – a song from the 90’s

2011-05-28T12:18:00.000-06:00

I actually didn’t really like the whole grunge trend in music in the early to mid 90’s and “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam is one of the last songs I liked as I went into a long stint with country music. I guess I kind of lost myself for a long time. Hells, those were the years I had my kids and was swamped by babies. I wasn’t anything but a mother, and not even a very good one at that. When I finally did come out of it, the grunge music (and the 90’s) was gone and it was back to rock/metal. So for me this song is kind of a signal for transformation. Yes, I let myself slip away for a while but I also found my way back. And I still even enjoy the song!

At home, drawing pictures of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun, arms raised in a V
And the dead lay in pools of maroon below

Daddy didn't give attention
Oh, to the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Oh, ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Clearly I remember pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck
Ooo, but we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast

How could I forget?
And he hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurtin', ooo, dropped wide open
Just like the day, oh, like the day I heard

Daddy didn't give affection, no
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Oh, ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Try to forget this
Try to erase this, from the blackboard
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Jeremy spoke in, spoke in
Jeremy spoke in, spoke in
Jeremy spoke in class today

[Lyrics from http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pearl-jam-lyrics/jeremy-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

Language, Labeling & the Great ‘Pagan’ Debate

2011-05-27T20:10:00.004-06:00

With the resurgence of the great ‘pagan’ debate recently, I thought I’d add my 2 cents to the pot (okay, maybe a buck – keep the change). A year or so ago I finally decided to drop the word ‘pagan’ as a useful descriptor for what I am. Besides being a little ridiculous in that it only conveys what one is not (I’m not a sink either, but I’ll bet that doesn’t really help), it also has so many different meanings and/or uses (most of which I don’t agree with either, but that’s a whole different blog) that the only thing it really conveys is confusion. I mean, when every discussion begins with “define pagan”, people are going to get bored and move onto something else long before you get around to discussing anything useful or fun. Never mind the fact that the only thing modern “pagans” have in common is that they’re all non-Christian. Although with the rise of things like “Christian Wicca” and “Christo-paganism”, it appears that even that distinction will soon be lost as well.

These days when even ordinary people think of “pagans”, they’re not thinking “non-Christians”. They’re thinking of pentacle-toting, circle-casting, fairy-waving, gothed out pseudo-witches who couldn’t magic their way out of their own asses. It doesn’t matter what any of us thinks a pagan is or that we’re (at least some of the time) perfectly ordinary people just like everyone else. This is the stereotype and while I certainly don’t put any faith in stereotypes, other people most certainly do.

Eclecticism was not a factor in my initial consideration for my decision to abandon the use of the word pagan, though it certainly didn’t help matters any. With their “pick and choose” attitude, eclectics have taken the word ‘pagan’ and made it synonymous with ‘Wicca’. [Scroll down to the section on Wicca-Centric Language] Yes, there certainly was a point where ‘pagan’, ‘witch’, and ‘Wiccan’ were three very different things but with eclecticism has come a merging of labels resulting in a severe breakdown in communication. [The (Perceived) Problem With "Pagan"]

That’s the problem with labels, though. Labels are meant to convey a certain idea or concept. You say the word ‘catsup’ and I’m thinking “a series of tomato-based condiments with the same general properties”. I might be able to accept a green sauce stemming from green tomatoes rather than red ones but I’m going to balk at a mayonnaise-based sauce being called catsup, even if it’s red. Seriously, try holding up a jar of (unlabeled) mayo and calling it catsup and see what kind of response you get. Well that’s about the same response you’re going to get if you associate everything ‘pagan’ with Wicca/witchcraft.

Personally, when a person asks, I refer to myself as a polytheist. It’s simple and actually has a singular, concise definition. It means I believe in the existence of more than one (many) gods, nothing more nothing less. It conveys exactly what it is meant to and is understandable to the general public. It may be only part of the whole but it’s also general enough to get the right idea across.

There are other labels I could use if you want to get more specific. If you want to use the word ‘Satan’ to mean “adversary”, you could call me a Satanist. You might also say I was pagan, depending on your definition, or that I followed a left-hand path. You could even call me a heathen or barbarian and I’d probably thank you for it. I could reference a specific type of polytheism (meaning pre-Hellenic, Greek) but I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a reconstructionist. I’m also not eclectic and I sure as hell don’t want to be called any kind of “witch”. So where does that leave me?

The truth is, short of explaining my entire spiritual philosophy, there is no singular word to describe it and most of the ones that exist are woefully inadequate. I guess when it comes down to it we all pick the labels that we can live with. Personally, I just prefer to use the ones that convey what I’m talking about. I might not call myself a pagan or Satanist, but I do associate with them. To me communication is all about understanding – and sometimes that means using someone else’s definition instead of your own.

♪ Day 46 – a song from the 80’s

2011-05-27T18:03:00.000-06:00

Nothing quite says the 80’s (to me) quite like Madonna – the bad hair, everything, and she had it all. She was the bad girl we all wanted to be LMAO (although I think most of us would have passed on the cone boobs). Anyway, here’s “Like A Virgin” from 1984.

Madonna - Like A Virgin
Embedding for this song has been disabled by request

I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you

I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new

[Chorus:]

Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats [after first time, "With your heartbeat"]
Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'Cause only love can last

You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold

[chorus]

Oooh, oooh, oooh

You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'till the end of time
'Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide

[chorus]

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can't you hear my heart beat
For the very first time?

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/madonna/likeavirgin.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 45 – a song from the 70’s

2011-05-26T12:02:00.000-06:00

When it comes to the 70’s the first thing that pops into mind is the movie Saturday Night Fever (John Travolta) and the whole disco era. Honestly, unless you’re talking about old Alice Cooper or something, I really don’t like 70’s music overall. I guess it’s a good thing I was too young to appreciate disco music, LOL, because I seriously doubt I would have. Anyway, the first song that popped into mind was the famous dance scene from SNF, “Night Fever” by the Bee Gees.

Listen to the ground:
There is movement all around
There is something goin' down
And I can feel it

On the waves of the air
There is dancin' out there
If it's somethin' we can share
We can steal it

And that sweet city woman
She moves through the light
Controlling my mind and my soul
When you reach out for me
Girl, and the feelin' is right

Then I get night fever, night fever
We know how to do it
Gimme that night fever, night fever
We know how to show it

Here I am
Prayin' for this moment to last
Livin' on the music so fine
Borne on the wind
Makin' it mine

Night fever, night fever
We know how to do it
Gimme that night fever, night fever
We know how to show it

In the heat of our love
Don't need no help for us to make it
Gimme just enough to take us to the mornin'
I got fire in my mind
I get higher in my walkin'
And I'm glowin' in the dark
I give you warnin'

And that sweet city woman
She moves through the light
Controlling my mind and my soul
When you reach out for me
Girl, and the feelin' is right

Then I get night fever, night fever
We know how to do it
Gimme that night fever, night fever
We know how to show it

Here I am
Prayin' for this moment to last
Livin' on the music so fine
Borne on the wind
Makin' it mine

Night fever, night fever
We know how to do it
Gimme that night fever, night fever
We know how to show it

[Lyrics from http://www.lyricsondemand.com/soundtracks/s/saturdaynightfeverlyrics/nightfeverlyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 44 – a song with a religious/spiritual theme

2011-05-25T13:57:00.001-06:00

Ask any pagan about “pagan” music and one of the bands that always pops up is Inkubus Sukkubus. I’m not a huge fan but there are a couple of songs that I do like. This is “Heart of Lilith”.

She has come from the shadows of the dream world
A dark angel from the darker side of love
Across a sea of tears
A hundred thousand years
Come with her and dance in the moon light
And you are lost to this world evermore
Put your hand in her hand

Come and fly now with the angels
Rise again now like the phoenix
Your the love that lives forever
In the heart that never dies, never dies
Heart of Lilith!

Come and drown in the lake of her passion
Come and die so you can be reborn
Hear the siren sing
Hear the death knell ring
She's a witch a siren and a vampyre
She has come from the distance stars
To take your heart
To break your heart

Come and fly now with the angels
Rise again now like the phoenix
Your the love that lives forever
In the heart that never dies, never dies
Heart of Lilith!

Come and kiss, kiss the lips of Lilith
Come and kiss and you will be no more
Feel the fire
Of desire

Come and fly now with the angels
Rise again now like the phoenix
Your the love that lives forever
In the heart that never dies, never dies
Heart of Lilith!

Come and fly now with the angels
Rise again now like the phoenix
Your the love that lives forever
In the heart that never dies, never dies Heart of Lilith!

[Lyrics from http://www.smartlyrics.com/Song323574-Inkubus-Sukkubus-Heart-Of-Lilith-lyrics.aspx]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 43 – a song your parents would listen to

2011-05-24T13:16:00.000-06:00

I guess you could say my dad’s taste in music (won’t comment on my mom’s) runs to old country and I couldn’t tell you how many times I heard “Swingin’” by John Anderson as well as songs by Conway Twitty, Johnny Cash, and Willie Nelson (among others) growing up. This kind of music certainly isn’t my thing, but I think it says something about the parents of the 70’s. That was his generation and I’d say he was probably more typical than not.

There's a little girl, in our neighborhood.
Her name is Charlotte Johnson, and she's really lookin' good.
I had to go and see her, so I called her on the phone.
I walked over to her house, and this was goin' on.

Her brother was on the sofa, eatin' chocolate pie.
Momma was in the kitchen, cuttin' chicken up to fry.
Daddy was in the backyard, rollin' up a garden hose.
I was on the porch with Charlotte, feelin' love down to my toes.
and we were swingin' (swingin')
yes we were swingin' (swingin')

Little Charlotte she's as pretty as the angels when they sing.
I can't believe I'm out here on her front porch in this swing,
Just a swingin' (swingin')

Yeah, and we'll be swingin'. (swingin')
Yes, we'll be swingin'. (swingin')
Little Charlotte she's as pretty as the angels when they sing.
I can't believe I'm out here on her front porch in this swing,
Just a swingin' (swingin')

Now Charlotte she's a darlin', she's the apple of my eye.
When I'm on the swing with her, it makes me almost high.
And Charlotte is my lover, and she has been since the spring.
I just can't believe it started on her front porch in this swing.
Just a swingin'. (swingin')
ah-just a swingin'. (swingin')

Little Charlotte she's as pretty as the angels when they sing.
I can't believe I'm out here on her front porch in this swing,
Just a swingin' (swingin')

I said Little Charlotte she's as pretty as the angels when they sing.
I can't believe I'm out here on her front porch in this swing,
Just a swingin' (swingin') (swingin')

[Lyrics from http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/anderson-john/swingin-299.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 42 – a song that you think everyone should hear

2011-05-23T13:19:00.001-06:00

Back in the day Metallica broke all of the rules when they arranged a live performance with the San Francisco Symphony. Later put out as both a video and (2 disc) album, it still has that classic Metallica sound yet also has something more. It’s an incredible combination. Here is “Nothing Else Matters (S&M)” by Metallica and the San Francisco Symphony.

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/metallica/nothingelsematters.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 41 – your favorite remix

2011-05-22T13:52:00.000-06:00

I like this remix of Marilyn Manson’s “Arma-Goddamn-Motherfuckin-Geddon.” It’s weirdly distorted and repetitious but rather cool. I wouldn’t say it’s better than the original, but it does remind me a bit of someone wigging out. LOL Two thumbs up.

Death to the ladies first then the gentlemen
facelifts, abortion, nervous breakdance
Satanic girls gone wild
Surely fuckin' suicidal

First, you try to fuck it.
Then, you try to eat it.
If it hasn't learned your name,
you'd better kill it before they see it
First, you try to fuck it
Then, you try to eat it
If it hasn't learned your name,
you'd better kill it before they see it

It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! Then do it again!)
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! The General??)
First, you try to fuck it
Then, you try to eat it
If it hasn't learned your name
you'd better kill it before they see it
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon

I wish I was so dead
Now the TV set's a tropical depression
seperation, coma dealer
I want my lawyer, I've got a situation

First, you try to fuck it
Then, you try to eat it
If it hasn't learned your name,
you'd better kill it before they see it
First, you try to fuck it
Then, you try to eat it
If it hasn't learned your name,
you'd better kill it before they see it

It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! Then do it again!)
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! The General??)
On the news or is it the news?
They say the results may vary, side effects are varied
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon!

Arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
Arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
Arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
Arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon

It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! Then do it again!)
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
(Fuck! Eat! Kill! The General??)
Fuck the goddamn TV and the radio
Fuck making hits, I'm taking credit for the death toll
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon!
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon
It's arma-god-damn-mother-fucking-geddon

[Lyrics posted with video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAdth715qKg]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 40 – your favorite song that’s in the top 10 right now

2011-05-21T12:06:00.000-06:00

This week’s #1 on Billboard’s Rock Chart is “Rope” by Foo Fighters.

This indecision got me climbing up the walls
I've been cheating gravity and waiting on the fall
How did this come over me, I thought I was above it all
Our hope's gone up in smoke, swallow your crown

Choke! On a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you
Choke! On a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you

Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm hanging on you
Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm pulling for you now
Give me some rope I'm coming out of my head, into the clear
When you go I come loose

These premonitions got me crying up a storm
Leave your condition, this position does no harm

Choke! On a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you
Choke! On a kiss, I thought I'd save my breath for you

Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm hanging on you
Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm pulling for you now
Give me some rope I'm coming out of my head, into the clear
When you go I come loose

Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm hanging on you
Give me some rope I'm coming loose, I'm pulling for you now
Give me some hope I'm coming through, I'm counting on you
Give me some rope I'm coming out of my head, into the clear
When you go I come...
Loose

[Lyrics from http://www.elyrics.net/read/f/foo-fighters-lyrics/rope-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 39 – put your music on shuffle, skip twice - what song did you land on?

2011-05-20T10:19:00.000-06:00

This is from my favorite playlist, the one I listen to most often when writing. What can I really say here? I like Rammstein and “Heirate Mich” is a great song, from the album Herzeleid.

Lyrics ©1995 Rammstein.

Man sieht ihn um die Kirche schleichen
seit einem Jahr ist er allein
Die Trauer nahm ihm alle Sinne
schläft jede Nacht bei ihrem Stein

Dort bei den Glocken schläft ein Stein
und ich alleine kann ihn lesen
und auf dem Zaun der rote Hahn
ist seiner Zeit dein Herz gewesen

Die Furcht auf diesen Zaun gespießt
geh ich nun graben jede Nacht
zu sehen was noch übrig ist
von dem Gesicht das mir gelacht

Dort bei den Glocken verbring ich die Nacht
dort zwischen Schnecken ein einsames Tier
tagsüber lauf ich der Nacht hinterher
zum zweitenmal entkommst du mir

Heirate mich

Mit meinen Händen grab ich tief
zu finden was ich so vermisst
und als der Mond im schönsten Kleid
hab deinen kalten Mund geküsst

Ich nehm dich zärtlich in den Arm
doch deine Haut reißt wie Papier
und Teile fallen von dir ab
zum zweitenmal entkommst du mir

Heirate mich

So nehm ich was noch übrig ist
die Nacht ist heiß und wir sind nackt
zum Fluch der Hahn den Morgen grüßt
ich hab den Kopf ihm abgehackt

Unofficial Translation ©2006 Jeremy Williams.

People see him creeping around the church
he has been alone for a year
The sadness took away all his senses
he sleeps every night by her grave

There, by the bells sleeps a stone
and I alone can read it
and on the fence, the red rooster
who was your heart at that time

The fear skewered on this fence
I now go digging every night
to see what's left
of the face that smiled for me

There by the bells I spend the night
there between snails, a lonely animal
during the day I run after the night
you escape me for the second time

Marry me

With my hands I dig deep
to find what I missed so much
and as the moon was in its most beautiful dress
I kissed your cold mouth

I take you tenderly by the arm
but your skin rips like paper
and parts are falling off of you
you escape me for the second time

Marry me

So I take what's left
the night is hot and we are naked
cursedly the rooster greets the morning
I hacked off his head

[Lyrics & translation from http://herzeleid.com/en/lyrics/herzeleid#heirate_mich]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 38 – a song by someone you want to see live

2011-05-19T09:11:00.000-06:00

I’ve wanted to see Alice Cooper live ever since I first heard him in the late 80’s/early 90’s. I remember wearing out that first dubbed tape, and the cassette I bought to replace it, as well as the VHS tapes I bought of the show. That was “Welcome to My Nightmare.” Since Alice Cooper is scheduled to play live at the Buffalo Chip during this year’s Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, with any luck I might finally get my chance. So in the spirit of Alice Cooper and his long career, here is one from another interesting and listen-worthy album, “Hey Stoopid.”

Hey bro, take it slow
You ain't livin' in a video
You're flying low with a high velocity
No doubt, you're stressin' out
That ain't what rock n' roll's about
Get off that one way trip down lonely street

Now I know you've been kicked around
You ain't alone in this ugly town
You stick a needle in your arm
You bite the dust, you buy the farm

[chorus]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey stoopid
What ya tryin' to do
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey stoopid
They win you lose
Hey, hye, hey, hey, hey stoopid

C'mon girl, it's a better day
Get your foot out of that grave
Don't let that one love tear your world apart
C'mon babe, kick that stuff
Show the street it ain't so tough
Quit lyin' around with a crippled, broken heart

Now I know you've been seeing red
Don't put a pistol to your head
sometimes your answer's heaven sent
Your way is so damn permanent

[chorus]

This ain't your daddy talkin'
You know, I know
Your story ain't so shocking
You know, I know
Blow some steam
C'mon and scream

[chorus]

[Lyrics from http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/alicecooper/heystoopid.html#1]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 37 – a song by someone you’ve seen live

2011-05-18T11:09:00.000-06:00

It must have been ten years ago… my husband actually got tickets to Mötley Crüe (with the Scorpions) when they came to town. It was during their reunion tour and I was so excited. Not only was it a chance to see one of the great hair bands of the 80’s live, it was also one of the first date nights my husband and I had gotten to have in a long time. Grandma had the kids and we did have to hurry home as soon as they were done, but I had a really good time. I just wish I’d gotten a t-shirt! LOL So here is a classic by Mötley Crüe, “Girls, Girls, Girls.”

Friday night and I need a fight
My motorcycle and a switchblade knife
Handful of grease in my hair feels right
But what I need to make me tight are

Girls, Girls, Girls
Long legs and burgundy lips
Girls,
Dancin' down on Sunset Strip
Girls
Red lips, fingertips

Trick or treat-sweet to eat
On Halloween and New Year's Eve
Yankee girls ya just can't beat
But they're the best when they're off their feet

Girls, Girls, Girls
At the Dollhouse in Ft. Lauderdale
Girls, Girls. Girls
Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails
Girls, Girls, Girls
Raising Hell at the 7th Veil Have you read the news
In the Soho Tribune
Ya know she did me
Well then she broke my heart

I'm such a good good boy
I just need e new toy
I tell ya what, girl
Dance for me, I'll keep you overemployed
Just tell me a story
You know the one I mean

Crazy Horse, Paris, France
Forget the names, remember romance
I got the photos, a menage a trois
Musta broke those Frenchies laws with those

Girls, Girls. Girls
Body Shop. Marble Arch
Girls, Girls, Girls
Tropicana's where I lost my heart

Girls, Girls, Girls

[Lyrics from http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/motleycrue/girlsgirlsgirls.html#2]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 36 – a song that's repeatedly gotten stuck in your head

2011-05-17T17:12:00.000-06:00

I always think of the old ‘Superman’ movies, you know… the ones with Christopher Reeve, whenever I hear “Kryptonite” by 3 Doors Down so I guess that’s part of why it keeps getting stuck in my head. For hours afterward, even when I listen to other music, I still hear "if I go crazy then will you still call me Superman…” LOL Unlike some other songs, this one is at least enjoyable.

I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/3doorsdown/kryptonite.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 35 – a song from an artist you think none of your friends have heard of

2011-05-16T14:48:00.000-06:00

I wouldn’t say that nobody I know has heard of Sava (as a matter of fact many of the people I know are very good at hearing about strange, unusual, or just plain off-beat things) but it’s one of those bands that I only stumbled across because of an account I once had on myspace and the fact that I could find several videos on YouTube suggests that they are, in fact, more widely known than I would have guessed. At any rate, here is “Caravane” by Sava.

This song is entirely instrumental, so no lyrics.

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 34 – your favorite collaboration

2011-05-15T15:51:00.000-06:00

This one is “Broken” by Seether, featuring Amy Lee (from Evanescence).

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/seether/brokenfeatamylee.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 33 – a song that makes you ready for anything

2011-05-14T15:24:00.000-06:00

What does it mean to be “ready for anything”? To me it sounds like confidence, the ability to ‘know’ somewhere deep inside that one can take on any of life’s challenges and persevere. The question was how to say that with a song… Then it came to me, a song that inspires (or perhaps reflects) confidence is also a song that makes you want to say “fuck you” to anything that gets in your way and Marilyn Manson seems to be pretty good at that. So here is “Mobscene”.

"Ladies and Gentlemen"
We are the thing of shapes to come
Your freedom's not free and dumb
This Depression is Great
The Deformation Age, they know my name
Waltzing to scum and base and
Married to the pain

Bang we want it
Bang we want it
Bang bang bang bang bang
You came to see the mobscene
I know it isn't your scene
It's better than a sex scene and it's
So fucking obscene, obscene yeah.

[GIRLS (in the spirit of Oscar Wilde):]
Be obscene, be be obscene
Be obscene, baby, and not heard.

The day that love opened our eyes
We watched the world end
We have "high" places but we have no friends
They told us sin's not good but we know it's great
War-time full-frontal drugs, sex-tank armor plate

Bang we want it
Bang we want it
Bang bang bang bang bang
You came to see the mobscene
I know it isn't your scene
It's better than a sex scene and it's
So fucking obscene, obscene yeah.

You want commitment?
Put on your best suit, get your arms around me
Now we're going down down down
You want commitment?
Put on your best suit, get your arms around me
Now we're going down down down

[GIRLS (in the spirit of Oscar Wilde):]
Be obscene, be be obscene
Be obscene, baby, and not heard.

You came to see the mobscene
I know it isn't your scene
It's better than a sex scene and it's
So fucking obscene, obscene yeah.

You want commitment?
Put on your best suit, get your arms around me
Now we're going down down down
You want commitment?
Put on your best suit, get your arms around me
Now we're going down down down

"Ladies and gentlemen, be obscene! Be be obscene!"
[GIRLS (in the spirit of Oscar Wilde):]
Be obscene, be be obscene
Be obscene, baby, and not heard.

Bang bang bang bang bang.

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/marilynmanson/mobscene.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

In My Skin

2011-05-13T19:48:00.000-06:00

Over the last several years I’ve worked hard to become comfortable in my own skin. I had to work my way past the insecurities over how I look and what other people would think of me in order to find the confidence I needed to face the rest of the world. I guess when it comes down to it I spent too many years hiding from the rest of the world. I accepted things about myself that I shouldn’t have merely because it was easier than facing the truth. But those things never sat well with me and they made me even more miserable than I already was. It was a vicious, never ending cycle from which I am heartily glad to say I finally escaped.

I still have my arguments with the mirror, to be perfectly honest, but those are mainly because there is a discrepancy between what I feel and what I see when I look into a mirror. Even so, I can acknowledge the faults of the shell while still valuing and believing in the person contained within it. In short, I don’t pretend to be perfect but I’m fine with me.

If there is something people tend to hold against me, it isn’t my weight or anything else about my appearance. Strangely enough it’s that I am not monogamous, the one thing that really isn’t anyone else’s business. Honestly, if my husband doesn’t care (and he doesn’t) then why should anyone else? I don’t shove my sexuality in other people’s faces but I don’t hide who/what I am either. So if someone hasn’t caught on by now, it’s their own damned fault.

The thing is I still don’t see why people even care what other people do with themselves. It’s my skin and I’m the one who has to live in it. How in the bloody fucking hells does it affect you?

As far as I’m concerned awkwardness only exists where you create it. Since I’m comfortable with who I am and what I’m doing, I would have no problem inviting a lover to a family picnic. I would even say the same thing if my husband had a lover he wanted to bring home. I don’t feel the need to try to justify my choices and I refuse to be caged by their judgment of me. You can either accept it (and me, as I am) or stuff it up your ass sideways and stay the fuck out of my life. I’m not changing myself to please anybody. I really don’t think I can get any clearer than that.

♪ Day 32 – a song you wish you never had to hear again

2011-05-13T16:48:00.000-06:00

If there ever was a song I wish I’d never heard, much less had to hear again, it would have to be “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin. I honestly have no idea why I dislike this song so much. It’s just something that has rubbed me the wrong way from the very first time I ever heard it. Seriously, though, if I never had to hear it again it would be too soon.

Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy......

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy
Lood at me I am happy
Don't worry, be happy
Here I give you my phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don't worry, be happy
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got not girl to make you smile
But don't worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don't worry, be happy (now).....

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy

[Lyrics from http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/dontworrybehappylyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 31 – a song that makes you laugh

2011-05-12T16:17:00.001-06:00

“Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon always makes me think of movies like An American Werewolf in Paris, The Howling, and other cheesy wolf-man flicks from the 70’s and 80’s. There were at once scary and hilarious. I mean really, who can forget the werewolf orgy in The Howling II or not laugh at the absurdity of it, for that matter? Then again part of the fun of these movies is imagining what a real werewolf would be like. Would they terrorize the countryside, slaughtering people along the way or would they blend in seamlessly so that no one knew they were there? Would they be subject to the moon’s pull or able to shift at will? While I don’t believe in literal shapeshifters, it’s still fun to imagine these things.

Ahhwooooo!!

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo!

If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo! Huh!

He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo!
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Ahwooooo!

Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
Doing the Werewolves of London
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen
Doing the Werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London, Huh! Draw blood!
Ahhwooooo… Werewolves of London…

[Lyrics from http://www.lyricsfreak.com/w/warren+zevon/werewolves+of+london_10185984.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 30 – your favorite spoof of a song

2011-05-11T13:02:00.000-06:00

I loved Nickelback’s “Rockstar” so I couldn’t resist when I found this version, called “Popstar”. It makes fun of all of the young, screwed up pop stars that seem to come and go in the media these days. From Britney Spears to Miley Cyrus, I think this one has them pegged. Lyrics are in the video. Enjoy!

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 29 – a song that makes you want to rave

2011-05-10T14:47:00.000-06:00

When it comes to raving, I always seem to think of trance/techno music and the top of that list always has to be “Zion” by Fluke, an adaptation of another song for the movie The Matrix Reloaded. This is the song from the cavern dance scene and it’s pretty steamy so you’ll just have to go watch it on YouTube. This is the kind of music that always gets my blood boiling and my heart pumping. It speaks to the fiery, passionate core inside me that rivals the immense power and calm of the sea that also resides there.

My collection of this type of music is relatively small at the moment so I’m always on the lookout for more. By all means, drop a comment if you have any suggestions.

Fluke - Zion
Embedding for this song has been disabled by request.

This song is entirely instrumental, so no lyrics.

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 28 – a song with your name in it

2011-05-09T12:55:00.000-06:00

For this one I just went to YouTube and typed ‘river’ into the search bar and came up with “In This River” by Black Label Society. Considering as how I just saw Zakk Wylde featured in another song I just downloaded, I was immediately drawn to this one. As it turns out, though, I’ve heard the song before and I actually like it. I think I’ll look up more of this guy’s work.

As far as names go I’ve made no secret that Ryver is the name I chose, not the one I was given, and I intend to have it legally changed as soon as can be arranged. It’s a name I am proud to have. I think I would have liked to pass the Maren name on to one of my kids, but that’s obviously not going to happen at this point. So I guess I’ll just have to be content with the fact that I’m happy with myself and leave it at that. Maybe that will be legacy enough.

I’ve been around this world, yet I see no end.
All shall fade to black again and again.
This storm that’s broken me, my only friend.
Yeah

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back

Withdrawn a step away, just to find myself
The door is closed again, the only one left
This storm that’s broken me my only friend
Yeah

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back

In this river all shall fade to black
In this river aint no coming back
In this river all shall fade to black
Aint no coming back

[Lyrics from http://www.blacklabelsociety.net/lyrics/bls/mafia/inthisriver.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 27 – your favorite song of all time

2011-05-08T11:03:00.000-06:00

I always have a hard time choosing favorites. Perhaps it has something to do with the word ‘favorite’ meaning, “better than all others”. Even accounting for the fact that it is merely in my opinion, I still have a hard time saying something is THE best – even if only for a moment. So when it came time to pick an all-time favorite, I had to go with a band I liked from the very first time I saw them on a David Letterman show. “Dude Looks Like A Lady” by Aerosmith is one of those songs that has stuck with me all these years and I still can’t listen to it without remembering that Letterman show where I first heard it. Of course it doesn’t hurt that Aerosmith is right up there with the Rolling Stones in terms of touring and overall success. It’s awfully hard to imagine rock and roll without Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger.

[Chorus:]
That, that dude looks like a lady
That, that dude looks like a lady
That, that dude looks like a lady
That, that dude looks like a lady

Cruise into a bar on the shore
Her picture graced the grime on the door
She's a long lost love at first bite
Baby maybe you're wrong but you know it's all right
That's right

That, that
That, that

Backstage we're havin' the time
of our live until somebody say
Forgive me if I seem out of line
Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away!

[Chorus]

Never judge a book by its cover
or who you gonna love by your lover
Sayin' love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise.

[Chorus]

So baby let me follow you down (let me take a peek dear)
Baby let me follow you down (do me, do me, do me all night)
Baby let me follow you down (turn the other cheek dear)
Baby let me follow you down (do me, do me, do me, do me)

Oo, what a funky lady
Oo, she like it, like it, like it, like that.
Oo he was a lady!

[Chorus]
[Chorus]

Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/aerosmith/dudelookslikealady.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 26 – your favorite love song

2011-05-07T18:57:00.000-06:00

I’m not crazy about most love songs, actually. I can certainly appreciate a good ballad now and then. Most of the time they’re as much about the pain of love as the good – and that’s part of the appeal, for me at least. But love songs, it seems, are more about the romance than the reality. “I’ll Never Let You Go” by Steelheart is one of those songs that illustrates both sides of the argument. I do like it, but don’t listen to it very often because it’s sappy and unrealistic. I don’t believe in “true” love and I sure as hells don’t believe in soulmates or any other such nonsense. Love, regardless of what the songs say, takes WORK. It isn’t easy, nor should it be.

Angel eyes, you have angel eyes, such a smile that lights up my life
You're a dream come true, now I'm holding you
And I'll never, never let you go, I will never let you go!

First time I laid my eyes upon you, all my dreams were answered
First time I kissed your tender lips, my love to you I surrendered

I'll never let you go, you're always on my mind
You're the only one for me, you're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

Angel eyes, my heart relies on the love you give to me
You never let me down, you're always by my side
And I'll never, never let you go, I will never let you go!

When my heart starts to crumble and the tears start to fall
You hold me close with tender lovin', and give me strength to carry on

I'll never let you go, you're always on my mind
You're the only one for me, you're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

I'll never let you go, you're always on my mind
You're the only one for me, you're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

And I'll never, never let you go

[Lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/Steelheart%20Lyrics/I'll%20Never%20Let%20You%20Go%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 25 – a song you would sing at a karaoke night

2011-05-06T14:51:00.000-06:00

I’ve never tried karaoke and I’m not sure I’d really want to. I’m not exactly afraid of audiences. If anything, what passes for stage fright pertains only to singing. I’m not even sure why. While I used to sing a lot more, these days I don’t really so I doubt my voice is anywhere as good as it once was. These days I just sing along with the radio when I feel like it and don’t worry about it otherwise. I’m just not about to go embarrass myself at karaoke. But if I were to decide I’m crazy enough to go for it, I think I’d give “The Sex Is Good” by Saving Abel a shot.

[Verse 1]
You know all my deepest secrets
I think you know
You know to keep 'em
But I wonder if you know
I hate sleeping alone

So come and tell me what my kiss tastes like
Don't wanna miss it
So turn off the lights
But I wonder if you know
I hate sleeping alone

[Chorus]
I have to fake it
I leave if I could
I'm not in love
But the sex is good
You can't mistake it
Because it's understood
I'm not in love
But the sex is good (yeahhh, mhm!)

You got to know
Know my weakness
You always touch
In all the right places
We don't get along that well
Not much for talk
But you're hot as hell

[Chorus]
I have to fake it
I leave if I could
I'm not in love
But the sex is good
You can't mistake it
Because it's understood
I'm not in love
But the sex is good (yeahhh mhm! yeahhh mhm!)

[Verse 2]
It's not like
I wanna stick around
It's just tonight
I'm gonna lay you down (yeahhh)

So now you know
What my kiss tastes like
So in the morning
I say goodbye
But I wonder
If you know
I hate sleeping alone

[Chorus]
I have to fake it
I leave if I could
I'm not in love
But the sex is good
You can't mistake it
Because it's understood
I'm not in love
But the sex is good

I have to fake it
I leave if I could
I'm not in love
But the sex is good
You can't mistake it
Because it's understood
I'm not in love
But the sex is good (yeahhh mhm! yeahhh mhm!)

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/savingabel/sexisgood.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 24 – a song off the last album you bought/downloaded

2011-05-05T15:44:00.000-06:00

The last album I bought was the Queen of the Damned Soundtrack. This is “Forsaken” by David Draiman (of Disturbed).

I'm over it
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last I see

[Pre1]
I hear it fading, I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You feel them finding, always whining
Take my hand now be alive

[Chorus]
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone?

I'm over it
Why can't we be together embrace it?
Sleeping so long taking off the mask
At last I see

[Pre2]
My fear is fading, I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You feel them finding, always whining
Take my hand now be alive

[Chorus x 2]

Everyone
Everyone

[Lyrics from http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/queenofthedamned/forsaken.htm]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 23 – a song from a band/artist you’ve just ‘discovered’

2011-05-04T15:45:00.000-06:00

‘Discovery’ of a band, for me, usually involves connecting the name to music I’ve already heard. I’d never heard of Dream Theater before answering one of those silly quizzes, but as soon as I looked them up I found that “A Rite of Passage” is one of those songs that struck me almost immediately. I like the way it speaks of rites of passage, of transcending the old to reach the new. I guess I like the idea of evolution of Self, that once you pass through a certain gate everything changes. I like the idea that we can become more.

For me stagnation is one of the only things about life that truly bothers me. I can get over all of the little aches and pains of life and I don’t really care that people are violent, self-righteous, assholes or even stupid. I just hate when we get ‘stuck in a rut’ and find ourselves unable to change anything, especially when we know it’s needed.

Since the new world order
Played upon our fears
Spreading accusations
Of radical ideas

The brotherhood of wisdom
Strength and dignity
Its rituals and secrets
Remain a mystery

Beneath an ever watchful eye
The angels of the temple fly

Turn the key
Walk through the gate
The great ascent
To reach a higher state
A rite of passage

The final stage
A sacred home
Unlock the door
And lay the corner stone
A rite of passage

Men of wealth and power
Influence and fame
Philosophers and leaders
All members of the trade

Bound by oath and honor
Like the rose and cross
An enigmatic union
Of esoteric thought

Beneath an ever watchful eye
The angels of the temple fly

Turn the key
Walk through the gate
The great ascent
To reach a higher state
A rite of passage

The final stage
A sacred home
Unlock the door
And lay the corner stone
A rite of passage

Turn the key
Walk through the gate
The great ascent
To reach a higher state
A rite of passage

The seven stars
The rising sun
A perfect world
Where new life has begun
A rite of passage

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dreamtheater/ariteofpassage.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 22 – a song you play before a night out

2011-05-03T15:05:00.000-06:00

I can’t believe I haven’t gotten Three Days Grace on here before now. “Riot” is one of those songs that just gets me in the mood to get up, get going and have fun. It tells you to go out and do something, even if it’s to go out and start a riot. I listen to this song quite often, actually, and not just when going out.

I like that some songs are a reminder that we should be participating in life, for all our follies, instead of idly watching it pass by. I’ve spent too many years in passive observance of life and now it’s time to start living it. Maybe that’s why I ultimately became disenchanted with the many social networking communities on the net. They certainly have their uses, but I’d much rather interact with real people and I’ve become a much happier person overall since I started going out again. I guess I started my own riot… LOL

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
You're not the only one
Refusing to back down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so pissed off
You're not the only one
Refusing to go down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/threedaysgrace/riot.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 21 – a song you play when you want to relax

2011-05-02T15:16:00.001-06:00

I guess when I want to relax I lighten things up a bit, though not by too much. I’m more likely to listen to a ballad than a driving song with a heavy beat but, truth be told, moods like that don’t seem to last long. Once I am relaxed it’s usually back to the usual playlist. I like “The Price” by Twisted Sister because it reminds me that nothing in life is free and that being willing to pay that price makes some things that much more precious.

Twisted Sister - The Price
Embedding for this song has been disabled by request

How long I have wanted
this dream to come true
and as it approaches
I can't believe I’m through
I’ve tried,
oh, how I’ve tried
for a life, yes a life
I thought I knew

oh it's the price we gotta pay
and all the games we gotta play
makes me wonder if it's worth it to carry on
'cause it's a game we gotta lose,
though it's a life we gotta choose
and the price is our own life until it's done

time seems to have frozen,
but the mind can be fooled
as the days pass I discover
destiny just can't be ruled
hard times,
oh hard times,
for the prize, yes the prize,
I thought I knew

oh it's the price we gotta pay
and all the games we gotta play
makes me wonder if it's worth it to carry on
'cause it's a game we gotta lose,
though it's a life we gotta choose
and the price is our own life until it's done

oh it's the price we gotta pay
and all the games we gotta play
makes me wonder if it's worth it to carry on
'cause it's a game we gotta lose,
though it's a life we gotta choose
and the price is our own life until it's done

oh it's the price we gotta pay
and all the games we gotta play
makes me wonder if it's worth it to carry on
'cause it's a game we gotta lose,
though it's a life we gotta choose
and the price is our own life until it's done

[Lyrics from http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/twistedsister/stayhungry.html#6]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 20 – a song that reminds you of your bf/gf/partner/whatever

2011-05-01T16:26:00.000-06:00

Through the course of this challenge I’ve come across a couple of prompts where I had to choose a song that reminded me of my husband. I certainly don’t keep the fact that I am both polyamorous and in an open relationship a secret (though I cannot be held responsible for the ignorance of those who choose to remain willfully blind) so I’ve decided this one is going to be for those other people in my life. I’m not going to defend my choice because, frankly, I don’t think it needs to be defended. So here is “Uh! All Night” by KISS.

Everywhere around the world
Everybody's doin' time
Freedom comes at 5:15
Prison starts at quarter to nine
It takes a hard workin' lover
To keep on towin' the line
I'll meet you under the covers
I get excited, I'm so excited

Well, we work all day
And we don't know why
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy
When your body's been starved feed your appetite
When you work all day, you gotta Uh! all night
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, whoo

Take me to the jungle, honey
We're livin' in a human zoo
Getcha turnin' tricks for money
I'd rather roll around with you
'Cause when the waitin' is over
I come a-runnin' to you
I got the whole night to show you
I get excited, I'm so excited

Well, we work all day
And we don't know why
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy
When your body's been starved feed your appetite
When you work all day, you gotta Uh! all night
Ooh, let me hear you, uh, right, uh, uh, uh, yeah

Well, we work all day
And we don't know why
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy
When your body's been starved feed your appetite
When you work all day, you gotta Uh!

They got me workin', they got me runnin'
But when I'm comin' home to you, yeah

Well, we work all day
And we don't know why
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy
When your body's been starved feed your appetite
When you work all day, you gotta Uh! all night

Well, we work all day (they got me working)
And we don't know why (they got me runnin')
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy (ooh yeah)
When you body's been starved (my body's hungry)
Feed your appetite (don't need no money)
When you work all day, you gotta Uh! all night (comin' home, yeah)

Well, we work all day
And we don't know why
Well, there's just one thing that money can't buy
When you body's been starved, feed your appetite
When you work all day, you gotta Uh! all night
Well, we work all day

[Lyrics from http://www.lyricsmania.com/uh!_all_night_lyrics_kiss.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

Marriage is a Prison

2011-04-30T20:45:00.001-06:00

Marriage, the last legal form of slavery in existence, is a prison. What’s worse is it’s a prison primarily for women. Men may joke about their wives being the “ball and chain” but all of the symbolism of marriage still favors the male, the entire purpose of this prison being to ensure that a woman’s offspring are her husband’s alone. Hence the reason virginity (in women) is still traditionally highly prized.

A traditional ceremony begins with the bride being given away by her father, a clear throw-back to the days when women were sold into marriage. Then, she is forced to make a vow to love, honor, and obey her new husband – once again proving that she has just walked into a prison of her own making. But it doesn’t end there. Once the deed is done, everything is supposed to be blissful, right? Uh uh. The prison walls begin to close in almost immediately. It is expected, in a traditional union, that the woman give up her name, essentially giving up a big part of her identity in favor of her husband’s name. After all, what once belonged to her father now belongs to her husband. Then, because she no longer has any identity of her own, any children she has are then given their father’s name and become his property as well.

Despite the fact that women are now supposedly equal to men in the world, all of the symbolism is still there and being perpetuated for a man-owns-woman dynamic. Until recently it was still legal for a man to have sex with his wife, regardless of whether she consents or not, as ‘rape’ was not possible within a marriage. Even into the 1950’s and 60’s, a man could beat his wife to within an inch of her life and no one would say a word about it.

But even if all of this weren’t the case, it’s also a legal prison granting the government certain rights over the couple. The legalities of marriage determine inheritance, insurance claims and who does/does not have the “right” to get married in the first place, among others. Yet this painful truth is cloaked in a romanticized notion of relationships perpetuated by one generation unfailingly upon the next.

Granted my prison may be a tiny bit more comfortable than most, being as how my husband tries to be as understanding as he can be, but even I can’t help but to feel the restriction caused by marriage now that I have become aware of it. I most certainly appreciate the effort he makes but I don’t think he can really know what it’s like for me, for any woman. He wasn’t the one who happily went down to the DMV to give up a huge portion of who he was. There was never any question of his name being passed on to his children, along with his legacy. We are all granted autonomy when we legally become adults, but he never had to give himself over to another. He not only wants his property, it is automatically granted to him.

I, on the other hand, have done all of these things. I naively walked into my prison without a clue as to what I was really getting into. I let the government determine the nature and status of my relationship, purely for the sake of convenience. I became his property and I promised to obey. I gave up who I was and any legacy I might have had of my own. Even if I were to successfully get my name changed, I’d only be reclaiming part of what I lost in getting married. I’d be getting an individual identity but I’d still be living in a prison made even more painful because it was of my own making.

At this point I don’t see any way out of this prison, the damage has been done. I’ve lived under this yolk for 15 years (and almost 4 years in another before that) and, at this point, I don’t know if I’d even capable of separating myself from it. The relationship itself aside (which is the one part of this I don’t have a problem with) I don’t know that I can put an end to the legal aspect of my marriage without unraveling too many of the other threads of my life. Even a symbolic “ending” to the marriage wouldn’t erase the chains I am bound by. The fact is that I’d be reminded of it at least every five years when I go to get a new I.D. and the knowledge that I did this to myself just makes it that much more painful.

So I guess any delusions about having a family-clan of my own are just that – delusions. I am not likely to bear any more children so the Maren name will begin and end with me, in the end a legacy to no one at all. I’ll teach my children to be independent and to hang on to their identity, but it’s far too late for me. My identity was forged within the walls of this prison and the person I might have been is long gone. No matter what I do in this life nothing can erase this one truth and that, I think, is the most painful truth of all.

♪ Day 19 – a song you can’t help but sing along to

2011-04-30T12:34:00.000-06:00

“You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)” by Dope is one of those songs that (I believe) has actually been improved by the remake. Originally done by Dead or Alive, it was a catchy but otherwise okay song in the 80’s. This particular version is, unfortunately, often mistaken for Marilyn Manson. Still, the bit of metal injected into this otherwise okay song does a lot for it. It’s a bit repetitive, but I do enjoy it.

I don't wanna know your name.
And I do want your private number, baby.
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Hear what's up, what's up.

I set my sights on you (and no one else will do)
And I have got to have my way now, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're having fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

I don't wanna be your friend now, baby
But I. I wanna move it just a little bit closer

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dope/youspinmeroundlikearecord.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 18 – a song you never get sick of hearing

2011-04-29T12:13:00.000-06:00

There must be something about German rock bands that appeals to me, despite the fact that I never learned a word of German. I doubt it has anything to do with my heritage, rather it is the driving beat in the music that I like. “Du Hast” by Rammstein is a good example of what I like in music. I may turn the song off for a while, but I never really get sick of hearing it. (The translation follows the original lyrics.)

Lyrics ©1997 Rammstein.

Du
du hast
du hast mich
du hast mich gefragt
du hast mich gefragt, und ich hab nichts gesagt

Willst du bis der Tod euch scheidet
treu ihr sein für alle Tage

Nein

Willst du bis zum Tod, der scheide
sie lieben auch in schlechten Tagen

Nein

Unofficial Translation ©2003 Jeremy Williams.

You
you have *
you have me
you have asked me
you have asked me and I have said nothing

Do you want, until death seperates you,
to be faithful to her for all days

No

Do you want, until death, which would seperate, **
to love her, even in bad days

No

* When Till is just saying "Du hast," it sounds as if he could either be saying "Du hast" (you have) or "Du hasst" (you hate). This is to give the song a double meaning, even though the official lyrics say "Du hast."

** There is another sort of double meaning here. If the line is read as "Tod der Scheide" it would be "until the death of the vagina" and not "until death, which would seperate" ("Tod, der scheide"). The whole song is a play on German wedding vows (Wollen Sie einander lieben und achten und die Treue halten bis dass der Tod euch scheidet? - Do you want to love and respect each other and to remain faithful, until death seperates you?). Instead of answering with "Ja," Till says "Nein," finally answering the question he said nothing to in the beginning.

[Lyrics & translation from http://herzeleid.com/en/lyrics/sehnsucht#du_hast]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 17 – a song that makes you think of a family member

2011-04-28T11:22:00.000-06:00

For this one I chose “Click Click Boom” by Saliva because it reminds me of my daughter. Though she isn’t my eldest, she is her father’s and she often acts more like it than my eldest does. If ever there was one who takes after me, it is this child and it is she that will inherit my codex when I am gone. Yet she is so much her own person that one can never be entirely certain what she’s going to do next. She’s not like the person I was at her age (now 15), she’s a reflection of what I see now and will grow still further. She’s sassy and bold and has the balls to take on the world and laugh as it tries to knock her down. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t believe what I do, I’m proud to have had this one in my care.

On those Saturdays,
when kids go out and play,
yo I was VP in my room I let the stereo blaze,
wasn't faded, not jaded,
just a kid with a pad and pen and a big imagination.
All this, I seek,
I find I push the envelope to the line,
make it, break it, take it,
until I'm overrated.

Click, Click Boom.
I'm coming down on the stereo,
hear me on the radio,
click, click boom.
I'm coming down with the new style and you know it's buck wild.
Click, Click Boom
I'm on the radio station touring round the nation,
leaving the scene in devastation.

I can see it in my mind,
I can see it in their eyes.
It's close enough to touch it now,
but far away enough to die.
Click, Click Boom.
What the hell is wrong with me?
My mom and dad weren't perfect,
but still you don't hear no cryin ass bitchin from me,
like there seems to be on everybody's CD
so just sit back and relax and let me have your head for a minute,
I can show you something in it,
that has yet to be presented,
oh yeah!

[Repeat Chorus]

Why have I clouded up my mind,
why's my mother always right,
and will I make it?
Fill the end or will I crawl away and die.
Click, Click, Boom.
Click, Click Boom.
Click, Click Boom.
Click, Click Boom.
On those Saturday when kids go out and play yo I was VP in my room
I let the stereo blaze on Saturdays
when kids go out and play, I was VP in my room
I let the stereo blaze its all inside of me,
its all inside of me.
It's coming over me.
It's all inside of me,
it's all inside my head.
Click, Click Boom
I'm coming down on the stereo hear me on the radio.
Click Click Boom
I'm comin down with the new style you know it's buck wild.
Everybody,
Everybody come on.
Click Click Boom

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/saliva/clickclickboom.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 16 – a song that reminds you of a holiday

2011-04-27T12:59:00.000-06:00

The year I went to basic training, I was still there (Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX) when Labor Day came along. Instead of working/training that day, though, we were taken to a small, fenced, park-like area where none of the instructors were allowed. Now anyone who has gone through military basic training would be able to appreciate the value of that small amount of freedom we were granted. For the first time in many weeks we were allowed to talk and socialize, both with the people in our own class and others. We got to have simple pleasures like soda and snack foods. It was fun.

But what made it really memorable was that Lee Greenwood performed live on a small stage for us, ending with “God Bless the U.S.A.” To this day this song reminds me of that brief moment of blessed (and well appreciated) freedom. Sure, it was just Labor Day, a day that is usually passed quietly if not dismissed entirely by the average person, but I don’t think I’ve ever quite looked at Labor Day the same way since.

If tomorrow all the things were gone
I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I’d gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee,
across the plains of Texas,
from sea to shining sea,

From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to LA,
Well, there’s pride in every American heart,
and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American
where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I’d gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the U.S.A.

[Lyrics from http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/greenwood-lee/god-bless-the-usa-21532.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 15 – your favorite TV theme tune

2011-04-26T12:01:00.000-06:00

When it comes to TV show theme songs, the most memorable for me have to be some of the ones from the 60’s and 70’s. Shows like ‘Bewitched’, ‘The Munsters’ and ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’ have unique and almost unforgettable theme songs yet my favorite still has to be ‘The Addams Family’. I guess I like the idea of the oddball living among normal people, and all of these shows were like that. Yet I still say that the Addams family really takes the cake. Something about the way the family is so utterly and completely different from everyone else yet are sometimes completely baffled by what the rest of us consider normal behavior appeals to me on a basic level. I can identify with them in many ways yet they also remind me that eccentricities need not set you apart if you simply believe in yourself.

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum
Where people come to see 'em
They really are a scream
The Addams Family.

(Neat)
(Sweet)
(Petite)

So get a witches shawl on
A broomstick you can crawl on
We're gonna pay a call on
The Addams Family.

[Lyrics from http://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/theaddamsfamilylyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 14 – a song off an album that has brilliant cover art

2011-04-25T18:18:00.000-06:00

I think all cover art is brilliant in its own way. After all, it’s designed to be. Different design elements are put together to create something that will catch the attention so that people will buy it. Sometimes it says something about the artist or the theme of the music, if there is one, and sometimes it’s just a picture of the band. Whatever is on the cover, though, it’s supposed to make you want it. So for this one I chose “November Rain” off the album, Use Your Illusion 1, by Guns N’ Roses. There are a lot of albums out there with what I would consider wonderful cover art, but this was the first one that popped into mind.

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gunsnroses/novemberrain.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 13 - your favorite acoustic cover/track

2011-04-24T15:04:00.001-06:00

I generally don’t like the acoustic version of most rock songs. The artists often have quite a lot of talent, but it’s just not the same without the electronics that make it sound the way it does. It’s as if something has been bled out of the music to simplify it so. So as far as that goes, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison is nice (I guess) in that it doesn’t sound all that different from the original, just lacking.

It has been said that this song could have been sung better, by just about any karaoke singer, in fact. But regardless of what anyone else’s opinions are, I do not think Miley Cyrus’s rendition even came close to matching the original. The girl has talent, and plenty of it I’ll grant you, but she really should stick to what she does best and that is writing and singing her own songs and leave copying other people’s work to the karaoke clubs. Besides, I’m not exactly impressed with the latest in a long line of teen pop icons. Like many before her (and long after, I’m sure) she’s just the latest in a long string of teens who hit it big catering to the pre-teen/pop music crowd only to go off the deep end once they come of age. She’s not there yet but she’s just another Britney Spears in the making and I seriously doubt her father being Billy Ray Cyrus is helping matters any.

On the other hand some songs do get better through reinterpretation. “Ghostriders in the Sky,” for example, has been done numerous times by artists such as Johnny Cash and Duane Eddy, among others. But I still think my favorite has to be the one done by Spiderbait for the movie ‘Ghost Rider’. So overall I guess it’s fair to say that each song/artist combination should be taken on its own merit. Covers are done all the time and some are even very flattering. Personally, though, I think “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” really should have been left to Bret Michaels.

We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did the words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say

[Chorus]
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here somehow
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess

[Chorus]

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

[Chorus]

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/poison/everyrosehasitsthorn.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 12 - the song that contains your favorite lyrics

2011-04-23T07:47:00.001-06:00

I guess when it comes to favorite lyrics, I’m gonna have to go with anything that talks about wiggling it… even if it’s just a little bit. LOL “Wiggle It (Just a Little Bit)” has versions by 2 In A Room and, later, by Ricki Lee. The two versions are quite different but they both feature the same fun words in the chorus. But because there are two songs, though links to the full lyrics to both songs is provided, I am only posting the chorus line here. So come on, let’s all sing along…

Wiggle it just a little bit, I wanna see you wiggle it just a little bit...
Wiggle it just a little bit, I wanna see you wiggle it just a little bit

[Lyrics for the 2 In A Room version at http://www.lyricstime.com/2-in-a-room-wiggle-it-lyrics.html and the Ricki Lee version at http://www.elyricsworld.com/wiggle_it_lyrics_ricki_lee.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 11 - a song that makes you laugh/smile

2011-04-22T14:47:00.001-06:00

I once saw the making of the video for “Thriller” by Michael Jackson and I still smile thinking of it. This isn’t a song I listen to often, but it is kind of fun to watch. After all, it’s all about the zombies!!

It’s Close To Midnight And Something Evil’s Lurking In The Dark
Under The Moonlight You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart
You Try To Scream But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It
You Start To Freeze As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,
You’re Paralyzed

‘Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night
And No One’s Gonna Save You From The Beast About Strike
You Know It’s Thriller, Thriller Night
You’re Fighting For Your Life Inside A Killer, Thriller Tonight

You Hear The Door Slam And Realize There’s Nowhere Left To Run
You Feel The Cold Hand And Wonder If You’ll Ever See The Sun
You Close Your Eyes And Hope That This Is Just Imagination
But All The While You Hear The Creature Creepin’ Up Behind
You’re Out Of Time

‘Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night
There Ain’t No Second Chance Against The Thing With
Forty Eyes
You Know It’s Thriller, Thriller Night
You’re Fighting For Your Life Inside Of Killer, Thriller Tonight

Night Creatures Call
And The Dead Start To Walk In Their Masquerade
There’s No Escapin’ The Jaws Of The Alien This Time
(They’re Open Wide)
This Is The End Of Your Life

They’re Out To Get You, There’s Demons Closing In On Every Side
They Will Possess You Unless You Change The Number On Your Dial
Now Is The Time For You And I To Cuddle Close Together
All Thru The Night I’ll Save You From The Terror On The Screen,
I’ll Make You See

That This Is Thriller, Thriller Night
‘Cause I Can Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try
Girl, This Is Thriller, Thriller Night
So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer, Diller, Chiller
Thriller Here Tonight

RAP

Darkness Falls Across The Land
The Midnite Hour Is Close At Hand
Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood
To Terrorize Y’awl’s Neighbourhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
And Rot Inside A Corpse’s Shell
The Foulest Stench Is In The Air
The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years
And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb
Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive
Your Body Starts To Shiver
For No Mere Mortal Can Resist
The Evil Of The Thriller

[Lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/Michael%20Jackson%20Lyrics/Thriller%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 10 - a song that reminds you of your best mate

2011-04-21T13:34:00.000-06:00

My husband is probably the closest thing I have to a best friend (which, in a way, is a little sad, not that I’m going to dwell on it). The thing with him, though, is that some of the stories he tells (of youthful exploits and such) are so fantastic as to be almost unbelievable. Yet he tells them with the same, unswerving conviction every time *LMAO and I’ve come to the conclusion that some people really do get up to the strangest things. Besides, who am I to judge what people do? So in the spirit of such over-the-top, ridiculous experiences, I chose “Supermodel (You Better Work)” by Rupaul. The man is fabulous, truly.

Once upon a time, there was a little black girl
In the brust of projects of Detroit, Mexico
At fifteen, she was spotted by an Ebony Fashion Fair talent scout
And her modeling career took off, you better work

You better work, cover girl, work it girl, give us a twirl
Do your thing on the runway
Work, supermodel, you better work it, girl of the world
Wet your lips and make it love to the camera

Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey
Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey

It don't matter what you wear
They're checking out your savior fair
And it don't matter what you do
'Cause everything looks good on you

Supermodel work, cover girl, work it, girl, give us a twirl
Do your thing on the runway
Work, supermodel, you better work it, girl of the world
Wet your lips and make love to the camera

Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey
Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey

I see your picture everywhere
A million dollar fairytale
And when you walk into the room
You've had everybody's eyes on you

Supermodel

Linda, work, mama, Naomi, she is fierce
Christy, foxy lady, other side
Cindy, I can feel it, Claudia, set on the cover
Nicky, work that runway, sweetie

I have one thing too say, sachey, chantey, chantey, chantey
chantey, chantey, chantey
I have one thing too say, sachey, chantey, chantey, chantey
chantey, chantey, chantey, whoa

It don't matter what you wear
They're checking out your savior fair
And it don't matter what you do
'Cause everything looks good on you

Supermodel work, cover girl, work it, girl, give us a twirl
Do your thing on the runway
Work, supermodel, you better work it, girl of the world
Wet your lips and make love to the camera

Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey
Work, turn to the left, work, now turn to the right
Work, sachey chantey

You better work, work
Work, supermodel
You better work, work, work
I have one thing to say, you better work

[Lyrics from http://www.metrolyrics.com/supermodel-you-better-work-lyrics-rupaul.html#]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 09 - an awesome driving track

2011-04-20T16:51:00.000-06:00

As far as I’m concerned just about anything by Rob Zombie is good for driving. It’s got a strong sense of rhythm without being overly dependent on drums. “American Witch” clearly seems to be about the Salem witch trials, not that I pay that much attention to the actual lyrics. In a lot of ways I’m learning quite a lot about the music I listen to just by posting the lyrics here. I suppose it could be said that the words make their way into the mind whether we understand what is being said or not. If that is so, I’m just glad I have a discerning mind regardless. Just a few random thoughts here along with the song of the day I guess.

Body of a monkey and the feet of a cock,
Dragged from her home on the killing rock,
Black dog dying on the weather vain,
The Devil's in a cat and the baby's brain,

[Chorus]
The End - The End of The American,
The End - The End of The American,
The End - The End of The American Witch,

Alone on the hill and ready to die,
Cancer of darkness - blacken eye,
The mark of the wolf and the sign of the calf,
Angels bleed down above the raft,

We all pray for 20 innocents,
We all bow down 20 innocents,
We all hang high - 20 innocents,
We all accused - 20 innocents,

[Chorus]

Do you want to know where their dreams come from?
Some showed the faith and some showed none.

We all pray for 20 innocents,
We all bow down 20 innocents,
We all hang high - 20 innocents,
We all accused - 20 innocents,

[Chorus]

Do you want to know where their dreams come from?
Some showed the faith and some showed none.

The End - The End of The American Witch

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/robzombie/americanwitch.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

“True” Love?

2011-04-19T14:59:00.000-06:00

I found the question today, do you believe in true love? The simple answer is that true love, soul mates, and happy endings are for romance novels and fairy tales. However the question did get me to thinking – just what is “true” love? What makes one kind of love “true” and another not?

There are many kinds of love. Love is a word that conveys many things – everything from fondness to attachment to romance. Some love is active and some is passive. I love my dog but not in the same way I love my kids. I once loved my parents but that’s nothing like the way I love my husband. Love is something that endures long after the lust has faded. It requires work and compromise. Most of all, though, love is a choice and lasts only as long as we want it to. Thus when people say that love fades, it is only because we let it.

I say love is “true” when it exists, strong and steady, regardless of what the motherfucker does, whether he/she deserves it or not. Love is “true” when you make the choice to love someone and keep loving them no matter what. I’m not going to say I love my country or even the whole of humanity (in a passive kind of way), because I don’t, but I do love my family regardless of anything else in life and I know I always will. I will love those people I accept as part of my family in the same irrevocable (and probably annoying) way.

This whole meant-to-be-with-one-person-forever nonsense is bullshit, no matter what you’d like to call it. Naturally some people are going to fit better than others but in the end, we love who we choose to love. I also don’t believe in “love at first sight.” Lust, on the other hand, is a different story altogether.

♪ Day 08 - favorite new release (has to be less than 2 months old)

2011-04-19T12:55:00.001-06:00

Apparently finding a list of new releases is harder than I thought, especially for the last two months, but persistence won out (and with some big time help from my husband) I finally found one. I haven’t heard “When You’re Young” by 3 Doors Down more than a couple of times, but I do like it and look forward to hearing it more. Enjoy.

So far away from knowing where I am going
I am trying hard to find out who I am
They all see that I don't know what I am doing
I say they don't hardly understand

Why can't they remember
What I will never forget
How these dreams come undone
When you're young

You give what you give cause they make you
Trapped inside a place that won't take you
And they want you to be what they make you
It's already over and done
When you're young

Everything seems perfect
Everything's okay
And it will all get better now
At least that's what they say
But I don't see it coming

You give what you give cause they make you
Trapped inside a place that won't take you
And they want you to be what they make you
It's already over and done
When you're young

Days really just seem longer
They say it's better this way
I hope one day I am stronger than I feel
And I hope it feels different than today

You give what you give cause they make you
Trapped inside a place that won't take you
And they want you to be what they make you
(It's already over and done) [x3]
When you're young

Why can't they remember
What I will never forget
How these dreams come undone
When you're young

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/3doorsdown/whenyoureyoung.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 07 - the song you play the most on your mp3/iTunes/whatever

2011-04-18T11:53:00.000-06:00

I’ve played “Nightmare” by Avenged Sevenfold pretty much continuously on my mp3 player and my computer’s media player ever since I got a hold of a copy of it. It’s about being stuck in a nightmare of your own making, a sharp reminder of the price we sometimes pay for our actions. Then again the tone and style of the song also remind me of Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie in a lot of ways. I guess I just plain like it. LOL *wanders off singing…*

Nightmare!
(Now your nightmare comes to life)

Dragged ya down below
Down to the devil's show
To be his guest forever
Peace of mind is less than never
Hate to twist your mind
But God ain't on your side
An old acquaintance severed
Burn the world your last endeavor

Flesh is burning
You can smell it in the air
Cause men like you have
Such easy soul to steal (steal)
So stand in line while
They ink numbers in your head
You're now a slave
Until the end of time here
Nothing stops the madness,
Burning, haunting, yearning
Pull the trigger

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know
That you belong here, yeah
Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare

(While your nightmare comes to life)

Can't wake up and sweat
'Cause it ain't over yet
Still dancing with your demons
Victim of your own creation
Beyond the will to fight
Where all that's wrong is right
Where hate don't need a reason
Loathing self-assassination

You've been lied to
Just to rape you of your site
And now they have the nerve
To tell you how to feel (feel)
So sedated as they
Medicate your brain
And while you slowly
Go insane they tell ya
"Given with the best intentions
help you with your complications"

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know
That you belong here, yeah
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah
Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare

Fight
Not to fail
Not to fall
Or you'll end up like the others
Die
Die again
Drenched in sin
With no respect for another

Down
Feel the fire
Feel the hate
Your pain is what we desire
Lost
Hit the wall
Watch you crawl
Such a replaceable liar

And I know you hear their voices
Calling from above
And I know they may seem real
These signals of love
But our life's made up of choices
Some without appeal
They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal

(As your nightmare comes to life)

You should have known
The price of evil
And it hurts to know
That you belong here, yeah
No one to call
Everybody to fear
Your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah
Ooh, it's your fuckin' nightmare

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/avengedsevenfold/nightmare.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 06 - a song that reminds you of a season

2011-04-17T10:55:00.000-06:00

When it comes to thinking of the different seasons, I really didn’t want to post a winter song. I certainly like the quiet, reflective time of winter, but it’s not something I really want to be thinking of as it draws to a close. Spring is actually my favorite time of the year. Everything is waking up, flowers are in bloom and there is just a hint of summer in the air. “Spring fever” strikes hard and I want to do just about anything but sit indoors. Yet through all of the wriggling frustration, it is also the point at which my creativity kicks into overdrive (along with my sex drive and everything else).

Summer is a time of long, lazy days, of beaches and outdoor parties, activity and sunshine. Air conditioning might be nice at the end of the day and all, but I’d rather be out doing something instead of sitting at home worrying about how hot and miserable it is. I’ve already spent too many years like that, feeling like all of the life had been sapped out of me. So here I am embarking on yet another summer but the difference this year is that I’m looking forward to the activity. I’m embracing the fever! So in the spirit of spring/summer, here is “Summer of ‘69” by Bryan Adams.

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it 'til my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far
Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about you, wonder what went wrong

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '69

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bryanadams/summerof69.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 05 - a song from your teens/childhood

2011-04-16T10:44:00.000-06:00

I think in a lot of ways, memories of my teen years will be forever linked to a sense of persistent, oppressive claustrophobia. Any sense of freedom I might have felt was an illusion and I consequently lived in a world more of my own imagination than reality, so it was little wonder that I went a little wild (to put it mildly) when I finally did escape my parents’ choking grasp. But one’s teen years are hard for just about everyone. They’re characterized by the struggle for self-identity and independence, so in that respect my pains are no different than anyone else’s. They’re all just part of growing up.

During those years my love affair *LOL* with Cinderella was one of my guilty secrets, hidden at just about all costs from the prying eyes of my parents. Like many young girls I fancied myself in love with Tom Keifer, though in a faint, star-struck, awed kind of way. Hells, the man is incredibly talented and has an amazing, unique voice. [Cinderella interview, part 1 of 5] “Heartbreak Station,” I think, was one of my favorites and I spent many long hours listening to it.

I loved all of the hair bands of the 80’s, some of which are still with me today: bands like Cinderella, Ozzy Osbourne, Twisted Sister, Alice Cooper, to name just a few. To me this music was almost a call to be whoever we were regardless of what anyone else wanted. Maybe it was just common teenage rebelliousness and maybe it was just me. I may be different but I daresay I’m hardly unique. Whatever the case music is both the source and reflection of what lives inside. The bands are inspired to put it out there and I’m inspired to listen. Works pretty well that way, actually.

Waiting at the station
Tears filling up my eyes
Sometimes the pain you hide
Burns like a fire inside

Look out my window
Sometimes it's hard to see
The things you want in life
Come and go so easily

She took the last train out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make a brand new start
She took the last train out of my heart

Watching the days go by
Thinking 'bout the plans we made
The days turn into years
Funny how they fade away

Sometimes I think of those days
Sometimes I just hide away
Waiting on that 9:20 train
Waiting on a memory

She took the last train out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make a brand new start
She took the last train out of my heart

My lady's on the fly
And she's never coming back
My love is like a steam train
Rolling down the tracks yeah, yeah

She took the last train out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make a brand new start
She took the last train out of my heart

She took the last train, out of my heart
She took the last train
And now I think I'll make a new start
Last train out of my heart

[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/cinderella-lyrics/heartbreak-station-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 04 - a song by the first band/artist you saw live

2011-04-15T14:35:00.000-06:00

When I was 14 I went to a New Kids on the Block concert at the State Fair (in Minnesota) with a friend. I think we went mostly because they were there but it was the first one I’d ever been to and I have to admit we had a lot of fun. I haven’t heard a song from these guys (probably since 1989) but they’re catchy, in a Britney Spears/Miley Cyrus kind of way. I guess there are always going to be artists who appeal to the younger generations and they inevitably seem to go a little nuts as soon as they grow up. Britney passed the proverbial torch to Miley and who knows who’s next in the long line of stars-turned-fuckups is going to be. So in the spirit of my own (once) embarrassing taste, here is “You Got It (The Right Stuff)” by New Kids on the Block.

The right stuff
The right stuff
First time was a great time
Second time was a blast
Third time I fell in love
Now I hope it lasts
I can see it in your walk
Tell 'em when you talk
See it in everything you do
Even in your thoughts

You got the right stuff, baby
Love the way you turn me on
You got the right stuff, baby
You're the reason why I sing this song
All that I needed was you
Oh girl, you're so right
Said all that I wanted was you
You made all my dreams come true

[Chorus: ]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The right stuff
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The right stuff

Your first kiss was a sweet kiss
Second kiss had a twist
Third and your fourth kiss
I don't want to miss
I can see it in your walk
Tell 'em when you talk
See it in everything you do
Even in your thoughts

You got the right stuff, baby
Love the way you turn me on
You got the right stuff, baby
You're the reason why I sing this song
All that I needed was you
Oh girl, you're so right
Said all that I wanted was you
You made all.... every one of my dreams come true

[Repeat Chorus ]

The right stuff, girl, yeah baby, yeah
You know you got the right stuff
And girl, yeah, baby
You know, you know you got it, girl

In my life, you're so right
You made all.... you know what you did

[Repeat chorus and fade]

[Lyrics by http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/newkidsontheblock/yougotittherightstuff.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 03 - your favorite album track

2011-04-14T15:20:00.000-06:00

I got hooked on Alice Cooper almost from the first moment I heard the album today’s song is from. I’ve had, at different times, tapes (both copied and purchased), videos, CD’s and mp3’s of “Welcome to My Nightmare.” Now it appears that Alice has announced the coming release of “Welcome 2 My Nightmare,” the sequel to the original. Even when I wasn’t completely impressed, his work was always good and the shows even better to watch so I’m definitely looking forward to the new release. I’m truly glad that the Alice Cooper band finally got inducted into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. It’s about time and the band truly deserves it. Long live Alice Cooper.

Welcome to my nightmare,
I think you're gonna like it,
I think you're gonna feel you belong.
A nocturnal vacation,
unnecessary sedation,
you want to feel at home 'cause you belong.
Welcome to my nightmare whoa, ho, ho, ho...

Welcome to my breakdown.
I hope I didn't scare you.
That's just the way we are when we come down.
We sweat and laugh and scream here.
'Cause life is just a dream here.
You know inside you feel right at home, here.
Yeah, Welcome to my nightmare yeah, hey, hey, hey...

Welcome to my nightmare!
I think you're gonna like it!
I think you're gonna feel you belong!
We sweat and laugh and scream here!
'Cause life is just a dream here!
You know inside you feel right at home, here!
Welcome to my nightmare hoo, hoo, woo, hoo...

Welcome to my breakdown...
Yeah!

[Lyrics from http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/alicecooper/welcometomynightmare.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 02 - your favorite single

2011-04-13T15:24:00.000-06:00

“I Wanna Rock” by Twisted Sister is one of those songs that always seems to stay on my favorites list. As a matter of fact, it’s the ringtone on my phone as well. I never really get tired of listening to it and I still like it at the end of the day even when I’ve finally gotten sick of my current obsession (favorite) song. This particular version has a lengthy intro, skip to 1:15 if you don’t want to view it.

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

Turn it down you say
Well, all I got to say to you is time and time again I say
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no"
Tell me not to play

Well, all I got to say to you when you tell me not to play
I say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no"
So, if you ask me why I like the way I play it
There's only one thing I can say to you

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

There's a feelin' that I get from nothin' else
And there ain't nothin' in the world
That makes me go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Turn the power up

I've waited for so long so I could hear my favorite song
So let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go
When it's like this I feel the music shootin' through me
There's nothin' else that I would rather do

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)

I wanna rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
Rock
(Rock)
I wanna rock

[Lyrics from http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/twisted-sister-lyrics/i-wanna-rock-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♪ Day 01 - a song from the first album you ever bought

2011-04-12T10:54:00.000-06:00

I remember having a few copies of different albums, when I was young, but the first one I ever bought was Skid Row’s self-titled album. I used to play that tape on my walkman (back when they were bulky and ear buds were the *new* thing, LOL) every day on the bus to school. I guess I liked the band so much that, a couple of years later, Skid Row’s Sebastian Bach provided the inspiration for my oldest son’s first name. So here is a lovely ballad from that album, “I Remember You.”

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letter's innocence - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letter's innocence - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letter's innocence - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letter's innocence - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/skidrow/irememberyou.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, extended version. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

2011-04-11T13:53:00.001-06:00

About this time last year (more or less) I went through a patch where I felt like I had no one to connect with, where parts of me were still hanging out of the car no matter who I was with (so to speak). During that time I identified strongly with “Gotta Be Somebody” by Nickelback. Not everything in life is about that one “perfect” someone, in fact I believe there is no such thing, but I did slowly begin to realize that even ONE friend was infinitely better than none. So I picked myself up, stuffed all of my stray parts back into the car, shoved everyone else out and decided to drive.

I’m not exactly prone to depression, but we all have our down times and I can never stay there for long before my natural (or perhaps learned, who knows) resiliency kicks in and forces me out of it. I guess I just don’t like to wallow in self-pity. I don’t view this song as one of self-pity, though. It’s a reminder that we’re not alone, that there’s always somebody out there who cares. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s you. The best we can do is let those we care about know so they know they’re not alone.

Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody
Embedding for this song has been disabled by request.

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nickelback/gottabesomebody.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 29 - a song from your childhood

2011-04-10T13:42:00.000-06:00

When I was young my mom had this LP of ballads and from the time I learned how to use the record player, I used to play “El Paso” by Marty Robbins over and over. Part of it was I just plain liked the sound of the man’s voice and part of it was I liked the story he told. It’s actually kind of funny that I can’t remember a single other song on that record even though I must have played it hundreds of times. I guess this is just one of those snatches of childhood we always seem to remember even when the rest fades into obscurity.

I wouldn’t say my childhood was bad, but it wasn’t great either. I remember learning early on that I didn’t always have choices in things (and that the illusion of choice was no better than none at all). I remember being too aware of the differences between me and everyone else and how I never quite seemed to fit in with the rest of the family. I wasn’t beaten or starved, but I was kept on a very short leash and seldom allowed to go out. I was almost never believed, to the point where I quickly learned to tell my mother what she wanted to hear whether it was the truth or not. But the memory of this ballad is one of those simple reminders of the simplicity and innocence of youth.

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.

So in anger I

Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the FOUL EVIL deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.

I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.

But my love for

Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.

From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina, good-bye.

[Lyrics from http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/robbins-marty/el-paso-11889.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

2011-04-09T16:10:00.001-06:00

I don’t really believe in guilt. Honestly, the entire concept of being made to feel bad for one’s choices in life just baffles me and is a good part of the reason why Christianity never worked well with me. We all make mistakes (that much is certain) but I believe all you can do is learn from them and move on. Beating yourself up because of them doesn’t serve any purpose that I can fathom and guilt really only perpetuates guilt. It’s a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, one’s sexual habits/fantasies/choices are a primary source of (IMO) misplaced guilt. While I carry no guilt on the subject (and refuse to), I chose “Porn Star Dancing” by My Darkest Days because sex, porn and the entire industry is still the subject of some of the biggest taboos even while being used to sell everything from beauty products to cars. Sex sells, but I believe we are (overall) still a sexually repressed society. Personally, I think the more open and adventurous you are, sexually as well as in all other aspects of life, the better… but that’s just me.

Kelly won't kiss my friend, Cassandra
Jessica won't play ball
Mandy won't share her friend, Miranda
Doesn't anybody live at all?

Amanda won't leave me empty handed
Got her number from a bathroom stall
Brandy just got way too much baggage
And that shit just gets old

But I got a girl who can put on a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
There's nothing hotter than a..

[Chad Kroeger:]
Stacy's gonna save herself for marriage
But that's just not my style
She's got a pair that's nice to stare at
But I want girls gone wild

But I know a place where there's always a show
The dollar decides how far you can go

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin' right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

Your body's lightin' up the room
I want a naughty girl like you
Let's throw a party just for two
You know those normal girls won't do

[Ludacris]
They won't do
I need a girl thats kinda frisky
Drinking with the fellas
Takin shots and gettin tipsy
We always wanna party cause she sexy as hell
And if i ever get in trouble bailin me outta jail
Cause she a stone cold stunna hotta than the summer
When she step up into the club every man and woman want her
she make me wanna get a stripper pole up in my home
cause of the porn start dancin got me in the zone!

[guitar solo]

She wraps those hands around that pole
She licks those lips and off we go
She takes it off nice and slow
Because that's pornstar dancin'

She don't play nice, she makes me beg
She drops that dress around her legs
And I'm sittin right by the stage for this
Pornstar dancin'

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mydarkestdays/pornstardancing108243.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

2011-04-08T11:58:00.001-06:00

Metallica, as far as I’m concerned, is in a class by itself and “Master of Puppets” is a classic. When it comes to the guitar riffs in this song, some people talk about eargasms or maybe even a few nerdgasms, but I think one of the comments on this video is right when they say this song causes METALLIGASMS!

End of passion play, crumbling away
I'm your source of self-destruction
Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear
Leading on your deaths' construction

Taste me you will see
More is all you need
You're dedicated to
How I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

Needlework the way, never you betray
Life of death becoming clearer
Pain monopoly, ritual misery
Chop your breakfast on a mirror

Taste me you will see
More is all you need
You're dedicated to
How I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

Master, master, where's the dreams that I've been after?
Master, master, you promised only lies
Laughter, laughter, all I hear or see is laughter
Laughter, laughter, laughing at my cries

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
Just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
Now your life is out of season

I will occupy
I will help you die
I will run through you
Now I rule you too

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

[Lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/Metallica%20Lyrics/Master%20Of%20Puppets%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

2011-04-07T13:28:00.000-06:00

The only instrument I ever really learned to play was the piano. I spent six years taking lessons before deciding to call it quits. While I can play, I never had the enthusiasm to get really good at it. I tried the flute for a while as well in fifth grade but got bored with it pretty quickly. I’ve always loved music, though I never had the discipline to learn to make it. As I grew older I let my playing skills fade in favor of choir/singing, though that was something I did more for the fun of it than for serious study.

I used to like “Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx a lot more when I was a teen than I do now, but it is something I could play (if I had the music and the time to practice a bit). I guess reading music is one of those skills you don’t forget entirely, something like riding a bike.

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

[Lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/Richard%20Marx%20Lyrics/Right%20Here%20Waiting%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

2011-04-06T12:23:00.000-06:00

“1985” by Bowling For Soup is one of those songs that reminds me of the follies of youth. I remember 1985 and have been known to get nostalgic in just the same way as the woman in the song. It’s rather funny, even if the song gets stuck in my head and I’m laughing mostly at myself. I actually liked (and for the most part still do) the big hair bands of the 80’s. I saw Guns N’ Roses in concert once and Mötley Crüe and Aerosmith some years later.

I think there is something to be said for the years of one’s youth. They become immortalized somehow and nothing can ever quite be as they were then. Mostly I think it is the so-called innocence and enthusiasm of youth, things that the necessity of hard work and responsibility slowly strip away. Even when we’re happy with who we are and the life we’ve built, I still think there’s a small part of us that longs for days gone by… and when that happens, I laugh.

Woohoohoo
Woohoohoo

Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husband's a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty four
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?

She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of Whitesnake’s car
Her yellow SUV is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing has been alright since

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woohoohoo
(1985)
Woohoohoo

She’s seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
Even Saint Elmo’s Fire
She rocked out to Wham
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she’d get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran

Where’s the mini-skirt made of snake skin
And who’s the other guy that's singing in Van Halen
When did reality become T.V.
Whatever happened to sitcoms, game shows
(on the radio was)

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woohoohoo

She hates time make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop
Stop!
And bring back

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she's still preoccupied
With 1985

Woohoohoo

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV (woohoohoo)
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bowlingforsoup/1985.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

2011-04-05T10:52:00.000-06:00

I believe that life is a celebration. Yes, death hurts and the grief of being left behind should be acknowledged. Some people believe that those who die move on to a better place. Personally I really don’t care what happens afterward. I’d just prefer to have my loved ones celebrate my life rather than mourn its passing. Therefore Pink has a good song for this one. “Let’s Get The Party Started”

I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
Get this party started
On a Saturday night
Everybody's waitin'
For me to arrive
Sendin' out the message
To all of my friends
We'll be lookin' flashy
In my Mercedes Benz
I got lotsa style
Got my gold diamond rings
I can go for miles
If you know
What I mean

I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started

Pumpin' up the volume
Breakin' down to the beat
Cruisin' through the west side
We'll be checkin' the scene
Boulevard is freakin'
As I'm comin' up fast
I'll be burnin' rubber
You'll be kissin' my as*
Pull up to the bumper
Get out of the car
License plate says
Stunner #1 Superstar

I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
Get this party started

Makin' my connection
As I enter the room
Everybody's chillin' as
I set up the groove
Pumpin' up the volume
With this brand new beat
Everybody's dancin' and
They're dancin' for me
I'm your operator
You can call anytime
I'll be your connection
To the party line

I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
I'm comin' up
So you better you better
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this part started right now
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now

[Lyrics from http://www.lyrics007.com/Pink%20Lyrics/Get%20The%20Party%20Started%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

2011-04-04T16:07:00.000-06:00

I don’t really like the idea of modern marriage, or the importance that is placed on weddings. From our youngest days we’re taught to anticipate the big wedding, the white dress, the cake, the first dance… the whole shebang. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. Marriage is about commitment and making a life together. You don’t need a wedding, a fancy ceremony, or even a piece of paper for that. It’s about living your own life and making your own rules. For that reason, I chose “Gives You Hell” by the All American Rejects. Well, it was either that or Jimmy Buffett. “Why don’t we get drunk and screw??”

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working
At a nine to five pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
And did it ever get you far
You never seemed so tense love
I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can't look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and you sing along but you never tell
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell

When you hear this song
I hope that it will give you hell

You can sing along
I hope that it puts you through hell

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/allamericanrejects/givesyouhell.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

And just for good measure...

♫ Day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

2011-04-03T02:06:00.001-06:00

I actually don’t generally listen to a lot of music when I’m sad. “Boum Boum” by Enigma is the kind of song I listen to when I’m feeling reflective or a little down, something a little lighter and softer than what I normally listen to. Yes, it tends to feed my mood, which is part of the reason why I don’t listen to a lot of it and I prefer not to wallow in self-pity if I can help it. I’d much prefer to fix it, break it, or just plain move on – whichever the case may be.

A lot of books, articles, and just plain advice urges people to communicate more. I think that’s actually kind of funny because I can’t seem to hold anything in for long. Sooner or later I always say what I’m feeling, and almost always directly to the person responsible if that is the case. Those who I am close to are seldom left out of the loop for long.

I’m a Pisces and I can be quite emotional, but I also tend to know when my emotions are influencing me. I know very clearly which thoughts are based in emotion and which are based in logic and reasoning. I can’t say that those emotional surges never affect my reasoning skills, but I can usually pinpoint where the logic has gone astray. I’m aware of my emotional distortions. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have the same skill when it comes to other people. By the time my empathy picks up on something, the thoughts and emotions are so jumbled together I can only rarely separate them. This means I can be relatively reasonable even during an emotional storm, but have little or no capability of judging how my storms have been received. It also means that I am sometimes left hanging because I wasn’t able to pick-up on the feedback.

My heart goes Boum-Boum-Boum
Every time I think of you
Inside it's Boum-Boum-Boum
Lost control what shall I do?

'Cause I wanna be your lover
Till the end of our lives
I could never miss again
These loving eyes

Ohhhh Boum-Boum-Boum

My heart goes Boum-Boum-Boum
Every time I think of you
I feel that Boum-Boum-Boum
No control of what I'll do

Simplicity, complexity, oh, what a tragedy
Reality, insanity, strange normality
Incredible, untouchable, but just visual
And I want you, just you

Ohhhh Boum-Boum

[Computerized voice]

Ohhhh

My heart goes Boum-Boum-Boum
When any mind is touching you
I'm going Boum-Boum-Boum
Only light inside my gloom

'Cause I wanna be your lover ('Cause I wanna be your lover)
Till the end of our lives (Till the end of our lives)
I could never miss again
These loving eyes

Boum-Boum

[Computerized voice]

[x4]
(My heart goes)
(My heart goes Boum-Boum-Boum)

[Computerized voice fades out]

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/enigma/boumboum.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

2011-04-02T02:46:00.000-06:00

Once again we hit the playlist and come up with “Waking the Demon” by Bullet For My Valentine. I find that music, in general, sets a tone as well as reflects what is. I might listen to Buckcherry or Hinder or Three Days Grace or any of my other current favorites to get happy, and keep clicking the same ones to stay that way. As for the video, I like the idea that the kid who gets picked on and beat up all month gets a little payback in the end.

Oh!

[Tuck:] 2, 3, 4!

Helpless!
My eyes are bleeding from the fear that's inside!
You sealed your demise when you
Took what was mine

Don't try to stop me from avenging this world!
No voice to be heard

[Chorus:]
Waking the demon!
Where'd you run to?
Walking in shadows!
Watch the blood flow!

[Bridge:]
There's not much longer, so don't try and hide,
Your body's weakening, walk to the light!
Those painful times so alone, so ashamed!
I'm not coming back, there's nothing to gain!

Caution!
There's just no limit to the boundaries you push!
I've warned you but still you just fuck with my mind!
There's no escape from this rage that I feel!
Nothing is real!

[Chorus]
[Bridge]

[Interlude (x2):]
Breathe for me!
Don't wake me from this slumber!
Stay with me!
Possession taking over!

[Breakdown:] Whoa! Tread!

[Guitar solo - Padget]
[Duet - Padget/Tuck]

[Interlude x2]

Waking the Demon!

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bulletformyvalentine/wakingthedemon.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

Marital Roles & Polyamory

2011-04-01T18:43:00.001-06:00

I’ve been a firm believer in polyamory, the idea that you can love many different people in sometimes very different ways, for a long time now. The belief is so firmly rooted in me that what most people would consider normal in a relationship (monogamy) is like cutting off a limb for me. Sexual exclusivity actually requires me to shut down a significant portion of the Self and that kind of denial is not only destructive to me, sooner or later it results in loss of sexual interest as well. So monogamy ultimately benefits no one, at least in my case.

However we are all conditioned to accept, even expect, certain roles in regard to marriage and relationships in general. Traditionally all of those things are expected to come from one’s partner. However, in a poly household, that isn’t necessarily the case. Things may often overlap, but one can look to different people to fulfill the needs lacking in a different relationship. I guess this ability to get one’s needs met is part of the appeal of poly relationships, making the extra work actually seem worthwhile.

At least on my end, though, I still sometimes find myself surprised by the automatic response I have to getting my needs fulfilled. After all this time, probably because I do not have any consistent relationships outside my marriage, I still tend to look to my husband first for anything I need – even when I know full well he can’t fulfill them. It’s frustrating and has made me realize how ingrained some behaviors are.

In all ways except one my husband and I do well together, perfectly suitable companions for this life (perhaps others as well, who knows). In the bedroom, though, we are far from compatible – which, if you think about it, is alternately hilarious and depressing. We both answered a questionnaire the other day and I have to say the results were eye opening, at least for me. Personally, I’m adventurous enough and more than a little kinky, but I look to partners on a more or less equal level. I have an extremely sadistic, predatory streak but am not interested in maintaining a submissive (I think I’d much prefer to borrow someone else’s for my play). I’ve always been promiscuous and prefer a certain amount of variety. My husband, on the other hand, enjoys a lot of things I honestly wouldn’t have thought of him though his primary interest is in having/maintaining a submissive. He makes a good point, though; some of the things that surprised me were only because he can’t do them with me.

That small revelation got me to thinking about our various sexual differences and my own expectations. What I finally came up with was a very tough question: if this man were not my husband, and therefore tacitly expected to service me, would I even want him to? The answer, though somewhat painful to admit, is that I probably wouldn’t. I’m more than willing, on occasion when it suits us, simply because I love the man but sexual congress is not something I would otherwise expect of him (or likely desire) in any other circumstances. In all honesty, that aspect of my life really should be coming from someone else (preferably a couple of them).

Some people might ask why we don’t separate then, if we’re so different sexually. The fact is he does fulfill many of my more down-to-earth needs, the kinds that contribute to stability and long-term fulfillment. We work well together, both as parents and as partners. So our relationship isn’t overly erotic, big deal. It suits us and we’re both okay with looking elsewhere for the variety and sexual fulfillment we both need apart from each other. So while I can’t be the submissive he wants/needs, I do wish him all the luck in the world in finding the one(s) who can be.

♫ Day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

2011-04-01T16:52:00.000-06:00

When it comes to being angry I’m the type of person who either wants to work it out in physical activity (could use a punching bag sometimes) or I sit and stew until I get over it. I don’t actually listen to a particular song, or even a particular type of music. I just crank my playlist and drown out everything else. My anger can be extremely self-destructive so I can’t afford to sit and stew too long, but it does sometimes help to just sit and work through the strange array of thoughts and emotions that are behind the anger. I like “Too Drunk…” by Buckcherry because it’s just that perky kind of song that helps draw me out of that self-destructive haze and into a more constructive state for getting over whatever the hells pissed me off in the first place.

I hit the bottle in the morning in the summer time
I quit my job cause it gets in the way
I find a party by the ocean buy the cheapest wine
Call up my friends to waste the day

I gotta dime bag, corduroys, colored sleeves,
And a bimble and some LSD
Now I’m just looking for a girl to meet
To help me forget my name

I could spend my lifetime getting high
Never wanna live in a suit and tie
Most of us are just livin a lie
That’s why we get fucked up every night

Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day
Oh I’ll get drunk all night
I’m sorry but I have to say
I’m too drunk to fuck

Now the party was jumpin
And the girls were fine, with the lipstick summer glaze
I got so many women comin after me
I put some pussy on layaway

I was smoked out, tore up, drunk as fuck
And I wouldn’t wanna change a thing
Young and dumb and full of cum
With a sugar loaded candy cane

I could spend my lifetime getting high
Never wanna live in a suit and tie
Most of us are just livin a lie
That’s why we get fucked up every night

Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day
Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day

Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day
Oh I’ll get drunk all night
I’m sorry but I have to say
I’m too drunk to fuck ya!

I’m too drunk to fuck ya!

I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and I’m bored as fuck
And the girl I want just walked away
She just found out I’m too drunk to fuck
It looks like I’m not getting laid

I could spend my lifetime getting high
Never wanna live in a suit and tie
Most of us are just livin a lie
That’s why we get fucked up every night

Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day
Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day

Oh I’ll get drunk all night
Oh I’ll get drunk all day
Oh I’ll get drunk all night
I’m sorry but I have to say
I’m too drunk to fuck ya!

I’m too drunk to fuck ya!
I’m too drunk to fuck ya
Somebody help me

Lord have mercy, Somebody help me
I’m can’t fucking breathe
I’m too drunk to fuck!

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/buckcherry/toodrunk.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 19 - a song from your favorite album

2011-03-31T17:23:00.000-06:00

When it comes to my favorite albums I have to say that two artists, both masters of the macabre, always top the list. While Alice Cooper’s “Welcome to My Nightmare” is always a classic favorite, I decided on one of my favorite tracks from Rob Zombie’s “Hellbilly Deluxe”. Funny as it is, I’d never seen the video before looking it up on YouTube today. LOL He is as fun to watch as Alice Cooper’s theatrics. So here is “Dragula.”

Dead I am the one, Exterminating son
Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze
Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry
While they slowly turn, conquering the worm

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
Burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dead I am the pool, spreading from the fool
Weak and want you need, nowhere as you bleed
Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat
Tender is the fur, dying as you purr

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Do it baby, Do it baby
Do it baby, Do it baby
Burn like an animal

Dead I am the life, dig into the skin
Knuckle crack the bone, 21 to win
Dead I am the dog, hound of hell you cry
Devil on your back, I can never die

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Do it baby, Do it baby
Do it baby, Do it baby
Burn like an animal

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

Dig through the ditches,
And burn through the witches
I slam in the back of my
Dragula

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/robzombie/dragula.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

2011-03-30T06:10:00.000-06:00

The answer to today’s prompt is fairly simple. I had intended to choose “Totems” by Nebelhexë, but it wasn’t available on YouTube so I chose “Invisible Entity” instead. Andréa Nebel, who has also previously recorded under the name Hagalaz’ Runedance, has a wonderful sound that should be more appreciated. Maybe this is something that is played on the radio and I’m just listening to the wrong stations, but I do enjoy the music off the two albums I have and will probably take the time to get at least one more when I have the time.

In the mean time, for those who have never heard of Nebelhexë, I urge you to take the time to check this lady out. http://www.andreanebel.com/music.html

Something has come over me
Something I cannot see
It's holding me down
Pushing me down
I try to breath, I try to shout
I open my mouth, but there comes no sound

What happened to me?
Invisible entity

Waking in darkness
I thought I had a friend beside me
But he doesn't hear
He's living in his own nightmare
I cannot move, or open my eyes
It's like being buried alive

What happened to me?
Invisible entity

Look around in this strangers house
There's a voice from the kitchen, mumbling
Something walking up and down
How did I end up in this creepy scene
I try to run, I try to escape
Treading so silent but the floor gives way
I scream out loud
Why can't you see this entity?

[Lyrics from http://www.andreanebel.com/music/essensualinvisibleentitylyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

2011-03-29T16:33:00.000-06:00

Thanks to mp3 players and internet radio, we haven’t had an actual radio in the house for several years so the car is the only place where ordinary radio is played (XROCK). So “I Will Not Bow” by Breaking Benjamin is my choice from my favorite Slacker radio channel. I like this song because it reminds me of defiance – of adversity, of oppression, whatever. I think we all sometimes feel like standing up and shouting, “I will not bow, I will not break! I will not fall, I will not fade!” Even when things are at their worst, if you can muster up the courage to shout those words, it can mean the difference between wallowing in depression and beginning the climb back up. If nothing else those are words that say “I’m strong enough to withstand anything life throws at me.”

Fall

Now the dark begins to rise
Save your breath, it's far from over
Leave the lost and dead behind
Now's your chance to run for cover

I don't wanna change the world
I just wanna leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up
Take the path that leads to nowhere

All is lost again
But I'm not giving in

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

Fall

Watch the end through dying eyes
Now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to Heaven

All is lost again
But I'm not giving in

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I'm not proud, cold-blooded fake
I will shut the world away

Open your eyes!

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive; paranoid
I have lost the will to change
And I'm not proud, cold-blooded fake
I will shut the world away

Fall!

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/breakingbenjamin/iwillnotbow.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

2011-03-28T16:17:00.001-06:00

I have to admit I had a real problem with this one as all of the songs I could think of that I actually dislike, I have never really liked, and those I did like at one time I either still enjoy or are indifferent to. Thus I finally chose a song that is a symbol more so than something I actually dislike. “Highwayman” by The Highwaymen is an example of a type of music that is so far removed from where I am now as to have almost been enjoyed by a different person entirely. Then again, I was probably ten years old when I thought these guys were great.

The Highwaymen were a country supergroup comprising four musicians well known for, among other things, their involvement and pioneering influence on the outlaw country subgenre: Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson. Some called these performers “the bad boys of country”.

This is the music I grew up with. A small town in rural Minnesota, the big events of every summer were the annual rodeo (during which the announcer dressed in Willie Nelson braids *snickers*), the Swedish Festival & parade, and the county fair. The rock/metal music I later came to love was a sign of Satan (gotta love the Satanic panic of the 80’s), a rebel, or someone to generally be despised. Although by the time I was a teenager none of that mattered. I think I may have even started listening to certain groups simply because they were supposedly Satanic.

I suppose there is something to be said for the fact that I went from outlaw country to the rebelliousness of rock/metal. That in itself isn’t entirely unusual (as teenagers are often rebellious), but I think it may have been a sign (even then) of the person I was to later become. Perhaps things could have been different had I grown up with the family I was born to, but the illusion of choice was all I’d ever been given. I understood that even then.

Granted, I may not actually be as different as I think I am but there is no denying the fact that I was most certainly different from those I grew up around. I haven’t spoken to anyone from that family in over 15 years and if there was anything to regret in it, it is that I am occasionally shocked in accidentally discovering that a relative has died (usually long after the fact). However, different or not, I have to admit there is still a bit of that little girl who watched rodeos and listened to that old country music underneath the person I am today… and that little girl still smiles when I hear this song.

[Nelson:]
I was a highwayman. Along the coach roads I did ride.
With sword and pistol by my side.
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade.
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade.
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five.
But I am still alive.

[Kristofferson:]
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide.
And with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico.
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed.
But I am living still.

[Cash:]
I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide.
Where steel and water did collide.
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado.
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below.
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound.
But I am still around.
I'll always be around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

[Jennings:]
I fly a starship across the Universe divide.
And when I reach the other side,
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can.
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again.
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain.
But I will remain.
And I'll be back again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

[Lyrics from http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/highwaymen/highwayman-24712.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 15 - a song that describes you

2011-03-27T16:46:00.000-06:00

I don’t think any person can be adequately described by a mere song. We’re all far too complex and have way too many facets to our personalities to be easily characterized. Thus I prefer to think of this one as a song you identify closely with. The song I chose for today is “Dreamer” by Ozzy Osbourne. I am a dreamer and I dream of the day when people will leave each other the hells alone, realize there isn’t just “one right way” to do things. I dream of the day when mankind learns to respect the Earth beneath our feet and when Nature’s laws, harsh though they may be, finally take precedence over man’s greed and destructiveness. Then again, maybe we do fit within nature’s design… though I can’t imagine what purpose it would serve (if there was one).

If we treat the world badly, then I would have to say we treat each other far worse. I’m not the peace-loving sort. I think we need the challenge and exertion of conflict – we thrive on it. I don’t think there will ever by an idyllic world, where everyone exists in relative peace and prosperity. It’s just not in us and I would fight to the death anyone who tried to take away any part of me that didn’t fit within the established mold. (If you want automatons, go build robots.)

Honestly, my dream is just to be left alone to live my life how I see fit. Ideally I’d have a couple hundred acres out in the middle of nowhere, though 3-5 is more realistic. I’d have a large garden and greenhouse, maybe a few cows, goats or sheep and some chickens. We’d always have fresh, non-commercially processed food and there would always be a space at the table for whoever shows up. To be surrounded by friends and family, where one’s differences are celebrated rather than condemned simply because we are all part of the same clan… Maybe it does sound a little stupid, but it’s what I want.

On the other hand, those kinds of dreams are part of why I write. I don’t expect to get anything published. I do it just for me. In my writings I give my dreams form, sometimes even using what I write to work out conflicting issues of Self. On paper I can write up the proverbial battleground between the status quo and the extraordinary new idea or the teasing flirtation between what is and what may be. I can be dark and bloody and still want nothing more than family surrounding me. So I’m a bundle of contradictions. So what? It works for me.

Gazing through the window at the world outside
Wondering will mother earth survive
Hoping that mankind will stop abusing her sometime

After all there's only just the two of us
And here we are still fighting for our lives
Watching all of history repeat itself
Time after time

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days

I watch the sun go down like everyone of us
I'm hoping that the dawn will bring a sign
A better place for those Who will come after us ...
This time

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away oh yeah
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days

Your higher power may be God or Jesus Christ
It doesn't really matter much to me
Without each others help there ain't no hope for us
I'm living in a dream of fantasy
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

If only we could all just find serenity
It would be nice if we could live as one
When will all this anger, hate and bigotry ...
Be gone?

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away
Today
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days
Okay
I'm just a dreamer
Who's searching for the way
Today
I'm just a dreamer
Dreaming my life away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ozzyosbourne/dreamer.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

2011-03-26T13:39:00.000-06:00

I don’t think I’ve ever been good at guessing what other people’s expectations are. However when it comes to the pick of the day, I can’t help but be aware of what the general opinion is of the late Michael Jackson. I don’t personally care what people said about the man. My view is that nobody but he really knew what he did or didn’t do in any case. The only certain facts are that the news is there to make headlines, not to tell the truth. Take that however you see fit.

“Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson is one of those songs with an incredibly powerful message. Oh, I liked “Beat It” and “Thriller” but I was never generally a Michael Jackson fan and held a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about most of his work. However he did manage to hit a chord with me on this one. “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change…”

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go
That's Why I Want You To Know

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make That . . .)
Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror,
(Man In The Mirror-Oh Yeah!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
(Better Change!)
No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
(Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make The Change)
(You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time)
('Cause When You Close Your Heart)
You Can't Close Your . . .Your Mind!
(Then You Close Your . . . Mind!)
That Man, That Man, That Man, That Man
With That Man In The Mirror
(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)
That Man, That Man, That Man
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
(Better Change!)

You Know . . .That Man
No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah
(Oh Yeah!)
Gonna Feel Real Good Now!
Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!
Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah
(Ooooh . . .)
Oh No, No No . . .
I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
(Change . . .)

Just Lift Yourself
You Know
You've Got To Stop It.
Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
I've Got To Make That Change, Today!
Hoo!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Got To
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
Brother . . .
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make That Change!)
You Know-I've Got To Get That Man, That Man . . .
(Man In The Mirror)
You've Got To
You've Got To Move! Come
On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand Up And Lift
Yourself, Now!
(Man In The Mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
(Man In The Mirror)
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know It!
You Know . . .
(Change . . .)
Make That Change.

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaeljackson/maninthemirror.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

2011-03-25T04:00:00.000-06:00

I don’t actually believe in guilt. The very idea that one should feel sorry or bad about the choices one makes in life is, to me, absurd. So I took this prompt as a suggestion of something I would listen to that is not in keeping with my usual style or tastes. I could certainly do without all of the fuss over Lady Gaga, but in a way she reminds me of Madonna in the 80’s with her outrageous behavior and suggestive performances. If nothing else, she’s certainly entertaining (at least in a humorous way). For the accompanying video, however, I chose the casino clip from Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief during which “Poker Face” is played.

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas please
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

[Chorus:]
Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

[Chorus]

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

[Chorus x3]

[x3]
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ladygaga/pokerface.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

Unbelievable

2011-03-24T21:12:00.000-06:00

Lately I’ve come to the, somewhat reluctant, conclusion that we cannot help but to make judgments. We make determinations about the people and situations around us on a regular enough basis that it cannot be avoided. I used to believe that judging others was something to be avoided but what I think I should have said (since the sentiment behind it hasn’t changed) is that nobody should be telling other competent adults how to live or what to believe. Competence is the key word here. Anyone who is capable of making his/her own decisions should be left to do so.

That being said, I feel somewhat relieved of one of my small hypocrisies. While I wouldn’t dream of telling someone else what to believe, I do find many of the claims people (self-professed pagans especially) make quite unbelievable. As if the idea of (animal) otherkin wasn’t bad enough, for example, apparently some people are now claiming to have the soul of an anime or movie character. There are also those who claim to have the soul of a dragon or other mythological beast or even a character straight out of your favorite novel. Never mind the whole crystal/indigo children and starseed nonsense. Unbelievable.

Honestly I do have to wonder what is so hard about realizing that you have a spirit/soul, just like everyone else, and that it is every bit as adaptable as everyone else’s. I do believe we can be animals at different times as we cycle through life’s incarnations, but spirits/souls are not restricted to specific forms. I believe that a spirit is an energetic being, fully capable of bonding with and driving whatever body it is given. I don’t think our spirits come from aliens or faeries or demons or whatever people like to dream up to make themselves feel better. Sorry, dude, you’re all human… at least in this life. You’ll just have to wait and see what happens in the next one if you want to be something else.

Another bit of my list of things that are outrageous and/or unbelievable is the somehow mistaken idea that one can be a member of two opposing religions/belief systems and somehow be faithful to both. It’s just not possible. I suppose if it really turns your crank you can take bits and pieces of Christianity and mix it with Wicca and Asatru, but it doesn’t make you a Christian Wiccan or a Wiccatru or whatever the hells else you’d like to make it. Granted, there are many similarities among different belief systems but the execution of such is different enough that you cannot combine them and still remain true to each. Just accept the fact that when you start changing things, you create something other than what you started with.

Likewise I don’t believe in entitlement or that you can claim to be any damned thing you please. Reading a book doesn’t make you a Wiccan any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. Different systems have different requirements and it is disrespectful to think that you can just take what you please and not have to earn what you get from it. I also don’t believe people who claim to have “mastered” a string of belief systems in a short amount of time. “Wow, you’ve mastered seven religions in ten years. Did you read a couple of books on each and decide you were a high priestess or what?” Un-fucking-believable.

But I think the big whopper has to be the unrealistic amount of experience some people claim. I actually ran across a 21 year old guy once who claimed a Wiccan initiation at 6 years old. Lolwut? But what I think really topped that one off was that he sounded like he had no clue what he was talking about. For all the good it did, he might as well have read one Silver Ravenwolf book and claimed to be a high priest. I actually knew more about his supposed religion than he did.

Honestly, though, I think a lot of people simply misrepresent parts of their path as experience. I can honestly say I began this path 15 years ago, but I only actively became what I am maybe five or six years ago. The intervening nine or ten years could be represented as experience, but it was just me slowly growing towards what I am. I guess I really just don’t understand why people can’t just be honest with themselves, if nothing else. In the end it doesn’t really matter if I believe you or not. You only have to believe in yourself.

♫ Day 12 - a song from a band you hate

2011-03-24T11:33:00.001-06:00

Apparently choosing a band I hate is every bit as tough as choosing my favorite, if not even more so. Generally speaking I don’t really hate much of anything. It’s a waste of effort when I can just as easily not listen, especially in the case of music. I’m not especially fond of speed metal, gansta rap, or country music but I can’t really say I actually hate any of them. I’d much prefer to simply not listen.

However I managed to persevere and chose “Been Caught Stealing” by Jane’s Addiction. I was misfortunate enough to be watching the video the first time I heard it and to put it mildly, I was not impressed. I did hear a couple of other songs by Jane’s Addiction at the time, but didn’t really like any of them either. In short, the whole band was sunk (in my eyes). This just happens to be a song I will actively change the channel in order to avoid.

Jane's Addiction - Been Caught Stealing
Embedding for this song has been disabled by request.

I've been caught stealing;
once when I was 5...
I enjoy stealing.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something,
I don't want to pay for it.

I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!

My girl, she's one too.
She'll go and get her a shirt.
Stick it under her skirt.
She grabbed a razor for me.
And she did it just like that.
When she wants something,
She don't want to pay for it.

She walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!

We sat around the pile.
We sat and laughed.
We sat and laughed and
Waved it into the air!
And we did it just like that.
When we want something,
We don't want to pay for it.

We walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey, all right! If I get by, it's mine,
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...

[Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/janesaddiction/beencaughtstealing.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 11 - a song from your favorite band

2011-03-23T15:54:00.000-06:00

Favorites have always been hard for me to choose, at least in part because I like so many different things. When it comes to music my tastes vary widely. I do listen to ‘rock’ or ‘metal’ most often, but I also like some ‘alternative’, ‘classical’ and (occasionally) ‘pop’ or ‘country’. While I do enjoy listening to some of these alternatives, they aren’t always among my likes/favorites.

As far as choosing a favorite band/artist goes, I had to think about what they’ve done career-wise as well as what I know and, to be honest, there were a lot more choices than I would have imagined. At one time I would have said Aerosmith, but it’s been quite a while since I’ve listened to anything of theirs. I might also have said Alice Cooper or Rob Zombie, both of which I enjoy greatly, but what I finally chose is Corvus Corax. It never seems to matter that I don't understand a word of what they're saying. I first ran across this band from Germany on MySpace and immediately fell in love. I now have four of their albums and love every single song on them. As if that in itself doesn’t say something (there’s hardly been a band I’ve ever heard of that didn’t have at least one bad song/album), I also fell in love with the video clips I could find on both MySpace videos and, later, YouTube. “Chou Chou Sheng” is off their album ‘Seikilos’. I find the sound of Corvus Corax, meaning ‘common raven’, is completely unlike anything else I’ve ever heard and I’d be quite happy to collect any and all of their music I can find.

This song is entirely instrumental, so no lyrics.

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

2011-03-22T07:00:00.002-06:00

When it comes to falling asleep I had to choose between boring and soothing. Since what soothes me varies at any given moment (I can find comfort in Rob Zombie or Cradle of Filth at times and indulge my love for sappy movies at others. More often than not, though, I just listen to whatever is on.) I decided to go with boring. So when it comes to snooze-worthy tunes, one I can’t ever seem to listen to is “Mickey” by Toni Basil. This is one song that just can’t seem to hold my attention. It’s annoying, sure, but mostly I’d just rather not hear it. The fact that it’s nauseatingly repetitious probably doesn’t help matters much.

Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey, hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey, hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey, hey, Mickey

You've been around all night
And that's a little long
You think you've got the right
But I think you've got it wrong
Why can't you say goodnight
So you can take me home, Mickey
'Cause when you say you will
It always means you won't
You're givin' me the chills, baby
Please, baby don't
Every night you still leave me alone, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty
Can't you understand
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey, do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey

Hey, Mickey

Now when you take me by the hooves
Who's ever gonna know
And every time you move
I let a little more show
There's something you can use
Wo don't say no, Mickey
So come on and give it to me anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it
I'll take it like a man
Oh, please baby, please
Don't leave me in the damn, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty
Can't you understand
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey, do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey, hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey, hey, Mickey
Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty
Can't you understand
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey, do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty
Can't you understand
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey, do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey

Oh, Mickey, what a pity
You don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you take me by the hand
Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty
Can't you understand
It's guys like you, Mickey
Oh, what you do, Mickey, do, Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey

[Lyrics from: http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/toni_basil/mickey.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 9 - a song that you can dance to

2011-03-21T15:24:00.001-06:00

When it comes to dancing I firmly believe that you can shake it to just about any music if you really want to. So when it came time to choose a song for this one, what came to mind is a song I’ve begun to hear on the radio (Slacker radio) recently that always makes me think of dancing. “Move Your Body” by My Darkest Days is from the band’s debut album and it is both catchy and something I would feel inclined to wiggle along with.

In my younger days dancing was almost an obsession. I loved it – the feeling of fluidly moving with the music, letting it invade every part of you. To this day some sounds still reach deep inside of me, catching a hold of something within me. But somewhere along the way I lost that deep, obsessive love for dancing and I have to wonder why I allowed that to happen. Perhaps it simply got lost along with everything else when I grew up and became “a responsible adult.”

Then again, something like that can’t be justified when the truth is that I let too much of myself go and had to work really hard to gain some of that back. If there’s one thing the kids have right it is their bold and carefree attitude toward life. I think a whole lot more adults ought to realize (preferably a whole lot sooner) that we need to hang onto our carefree moments. Being weighed down by responsibility all the time just makes you older. So take a cue from the song of the day and “move your body…”

You, you’re hotter than a cherry on a cigarette
Bet every dollar mom’s a model but you’re better yet
Just 21 out on the run and turning every head
Your body’s built just like a weapon and you’re using it

But the devil can hear you when you say

C’mon and get up (Get up)
Move your body, use your body
Lose Control

Rub it right up (Back up)
Against my body
Take my body; make it yours (So get up)
We’re gonna light this room on fire
Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)
The two of us are gonna fuel this fire
No way in hell we’re slowing down tonight

And just for fun we take your tongue and run it over my lip
You gotta love the way she does it for the hell of it
We’re in positions that most people only say they know
You’ve got your hand right on a landmine ready to blow

But the devil can hear you when you say

C’mon and get up (Get up)
Move your body, use your body
Lose Control

Rub it right up (Back up)
Against my body
Take my body; make it yours (So get up)
We’re gonna light this room on fire
Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)
The two of us are gonna fuel this fire
No way in hell we’re slowing down tonight

You want me tapping on your back door
You’ve got me tapping on your back door, baby
I’ve got you acting like you want more
Now that I’m tapping on your back door, baby

But the devil can hear you when you say

C’mon and get up (Get up)
Move your body, use your body
Lose Control

Rub it right up (Back up)
Against my body
Take my body; make it yours (So get up)
We’re gonna light this room on fire
Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)
The two of us are gonna fuel this fire
No way in hell we're slowing down tonight

[Lyrics from: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mydarkestdays/moveyourbody.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 8 – a song that you know all the words to

2011-03-20T01:18:00.000-06:00

Paying attention to the exact lyrics of a song never seemed to be very high on my priorities. Thus it was songs like “I Hate Myself For Loving You” by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, with clear and easy to understand lyrics that I’d most often sing along with (outside of the chorus, that is, since they’re so repetitive that you usually catch on sooner or later). I’ll admit I do sing along with other songs, I just don’t always understand all the lyrics (much less get them all correct).

I used to sing a lot more when I was younger than I do now, but I’ve always enjoyed it. Sadly I’m no performer (so no karaoke for me). It’s never easy to admit one’s flaws but while I don’t have stage fright when it comes to public speaking, I never could quite bring myself to sing comfortably.

Midnight, gettin' uptight. Where are you?
You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two
I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you.
Hey, Jack, It's a fact they're talkin' in town.
I turn my back and you're messin' around.
I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown.

I think of you ev'ry night and day.
You took my heart,
Then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

Daylight, spent the night without you.
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do.
I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through.
Hey, man, bet you can treat me right.
You just don't know what you was missin' last night.
I wanna see your face and say forget it just from spite.

I think of you ev'ry night and day.
You took my heart,
Then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

I think of you ev'ry night and day.
You took my heart,
Then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

I hate myself for loving you.
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

I hate myself for loving you.
I hate myself for loving you.
I hate myself for loving you.
I hate myself
I hate myself for loving you.

[Lyrics from: http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-hate-myself-for-loving-you-lyrics-joan-jett-and-the-blackhearts.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 7 – a song that reminds you of a certain event

2011-03-19T17:57:00.000-06:00

I suppose I could have gone with any number of other events but I was in a nostalgic mood when I chose this one and, quite frankly, I just plain like the song. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” by The Charlie Daniels Band is a song like no other I’ve ever heard. I can only imagine the skill it must take just to play the violin (fiddle) parts and Charlie Daniels is a master.

This was the song my high school graduating class chose for the yearbook. I took some classes at the local community college that year as a substitute for the regular social studies classes and didn’t get a vote because of that, but it wasn’t one I could honestly say I disagreed with. After all we were mostly country kids living in a small rural community. We were so full of ourselves then, often associating ourselves with ‘Johnny’ and imagining we could outwit the Devil. LOL

The Devil went down to Georgia
He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal

When he came across this young man
Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot
And the Devil jumped up on a hickory stump
And said, "Boy, let me tell you what"

I guess you didnt know it
But I'm a fiddle player too
And if you care to take a dare
I'll just make a bet with you"

"Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy
But give the Devil his due
I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul
'Cos I think I'm better than you"

The boy said, "My name's Johnny
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your' bet, you're gonna regret
Cause I'm the best there's ever been"

Johnny your rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard
'Cause hell's broke loose in Georgia and the Devil deals the cards
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold
But if you lose the Devil gets your soul

The Devil opened up his case
And he said, "I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he rosined up his bow

And then he pulled the bow across the strings
And it made an evil hiss
And a band of demons joined in
And it sounded something like this

When the Devil finished
Johnny said, "well you're pretty good old son
But just sit down in that chair right there
Let me show you how its done

Fire on the mountain, run boys, run
The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in the bread pan pickin' at dough
Granny does your dog bite? No child, no

The Devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden fiddle
On the ground at Johnny's feet

Johnny said, "Devil,just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you son of a bitch
I'm the best there's ever been"

He played, 'Fire on the Mountain', run boys, run
The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun
Chicken in the bread pan pickin' at dough
Granny does your dog bite? No child, no

[Lyrics from: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/charlie-daniels-lyrics/devil-went-down-to-georgia-lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

♫ Day 6 – a song that reminds you of somewhere

2011-03-18T17:47:00.001-06:00

I had a tough time with this one because I couldn’t think of any song that reminded me of a place. Usually my associations are with people or events, so it took a bit of thought to come up with this one. Finally, I chose “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor as it reminds me of my 8th grade math class. Whenever a math test came up, my teacher would offer to make a tape (he apparently had a lot of music and this was before CD’s) for anyone who could get 100% on the test.

Well, I finally managed to win a tape and I didn’t particularly want to ask for something country. I will admit that it was partly because I didn’t want to be thought of as backward or stupid, but it was also because I wanted something different. Another factor in my choice was that I wasn’t normally one to pay much attention to who did what songs or even what they were called. “Eye of the Tiger” was the one song I’d heard around that time and actually knew who’d performed it, so I asked for Survivor.

That was also the year I jumped forward into a more advanced math class. I ended up having to do two years worth of work in one, but it was something to be proud of.

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

(Chorus:)
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

(chorus)

Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

(chorus)

The eye of the tiger (repeats out)...

[Lyrics from: http://www.lyrics007.com/Survivor%20Lyrics/Eye%20Of%20The%20Tiger%20Lyrics.html]

*This entry is part of the 30 Day Song Challenge series. See heading above for more information.*

Strangers

2011-03-18T15:00:00.002-06:00

Ever run across one of those people that you’d swear you knew but couldn’t imagine how or where you’d met them? Well, I have one of those – a friend of a friend and I’d swear I’ve met him somewhere before, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I feel I should know this person. Frankly it’s driving me a little nuts. I haven’t had much of a chance to talk to him as of yet (partly because I rarely see him, and then only for a few minutes at a time) but the feeling never really goes away. Every single time I see this guy it hits me with the same strength it did the first time. While the sensation is overwhelming, and a little unsettling, for me, there seems to be no indication that it’s reciprocal. Not that it matters very much.

Which brings me to the question of what draws people together? I suppose it’s entirely possible that we forge our own connections and that there’s nothing else to it, but honestly I don’t believe that. How else can you explain the feeling of “knowing” someone you’ve never met? At the very least it seems that there is some energy at work, bringing like unto like, and that could certainly explain the occasional instantaneous attraction some people feel toward one another.

On the other hand one could say the attraction of different people is divine in origin, purporting that some people were “meant” for one another. I guess this is where the idea of soul mates comes from. Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates. I’m not even sure I believe in destiny… which does nothing to explain the sense of recognition I seem to have for this guy. Hells I don’t even know enough about him to guess whether he could be a friend, lover, or whatever else. I am more than willing to take whatever opportunities I have to get to know this guy but I can’t say I expect much from it. Chances are I’m never going to find out why I seem to recognize this guy (yet not) anyway, even if I do get to know him. So I guess when it comes down to it, some people are truly strangers and some aren’t quite. It’s a very subtle distinction, but at this point I’ll take all the help I can get. I don’t expect anything and things will be as they will.